Unavoidable Truth
by Jediempress
Summary: REWRITE COMPLETE! CloudRiku. Very slight SoraKairi. Riku has a secret he's been avoiding telling Cloud for fear of his reaction. When Sora and Kairi finally convince him, how will it effect their relationship? Please keep reviewing!
1. Chapter 1

This story is in the process of being _**re-written**_. I will note the dates as the new chapters go up. Please review if you can, okay?

I no own the characters.

Rewrite- Aug 19, 2008

* * *

Unavoidable Truth

"What do you mean you never told him?" Sora shouted in disbelief.

"I didn't know when we first got together and it just never came up after." Riku defended himself, realizing as he spoke how pathetic the excuse sounded. It was not a lie, exactly. It had not come up.

"But, don't you think he kinda has a right to know?"

"Why?"

"Why?" Sora looked at him incredulously. "Man, its _Sephiroth_ and he's _Cloud_ maybe. He's gonna totally flip out, Riku. You have to tell him."

"No, I don't." Riku tensely turned away. "It doesn't matter."

Sora stared after him a moment before glancing at Kairi. She too was staring at their mutual best friend. He hoped she had an idea of how to make Riku tell his secret to his boyfriend. This was potentially a _huge_ issue that could completely destroy their relationship.

A relationship they had only found out about a few weeks ago. After the bombshell Riku just now dropped on them, Sora did not want to contemplate what else the silvered teen had been withholding from everyone. He knew Riku had his secrets but he did not think they were so… big.

Kairi slowly took a step forward, biting her lip. "Cloud won't leave you, Riku."

Sora thought about it for a minute, suddenly feeling really stupid. Of course that was the problem. He was such an idiot sometimes, at least when it came to these kinds of things.

Riku snorted. "I wouldn't be too sure about that."

Reaching out, Kairi placed a hand on his shoulder. "This isn't something you have control over."

"I could have told him as soon as I knew!" Riku shrugged away from her. "I should have told him as soon as I knew. I just… couldn't and then..."

"Well, keeping it secret isn't going to make it better," Sora said matter-of-factly.

"I know that, Sora," He snapped at him. "Thanks for stating the obvious. I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

"Hey!" Sora stomped over and angrily pushed Riku. Aqua eyes widened in surprise.

" Don't dare you even think about keeping any more secrets from me! I want you to talk to me! You keeping everything to yourself is what started all of this in the first place! Don't you dare start shutting us out again!"

Riku opened his mouth to say something but it slowly shut and he simply nodded. He hated seeing Sora upset, knowing that a majority of the time he was the cause. Why the other boy had not given up on him completely he had no idea but was eternally grateful for that fact. He never would have gotten through the past six months if Sora had.

"Now," Sora continued, the anger magically gone. "What exactly are you afraid Cloud's going to do when you tell him?"

Riku did not miss the 'when', not an 'if'. One glance at Kairi and he knew she was supporting Sora in this. Of course she would.

What exactly was he afraid of? Rejection? Hatred? If Cloud knew where Riku had come from, would he be able to handle it? Or would he no longer be able to look at him without seeing…

"I don't want him to look at me any differently," he finally admitted quietly. "I know he was teased some by the others when they first saw me because I looked so much like Sephiroth. Hell, the first time I saw Sephiroth, I was shocked."

"I know that in the beginning, it had bothered him a little but he got over it. But now that I know there's a reason, I can't help but worry that if he knows, he'll never be able look at me without thinking about it."

Sora felt bad for Riku. He really did. He had no idea what he would do if he was in this position. Well, that was not exactly true. He knew what he would do but Riku was not like him. For all of Riku's bravado, he was horribly insecure.

"Riku," Kairi's voice was gentle. "He's feelings for you are not going to change. He loves _you_. You haven't changed. He may have to adjust to this new information but he will."

Riku was clearly doubtful. Suddenly, her eyes brightened. "Remember how you spent all that time and energy avoiding Sora because you had Xehanort's body? You did that because you were ashamed of yourself. When we were all back together, neither Sora or I felt any different about you. It was all in your head."

"That was different."

"No, it isn't," She insisted. "Then, you _were_ our enemy. This time, you're merely related. So in a way, you're better off now."

"Yeah." Sora nodded emphatically. He was not quite sure what he was agreeing with but Riku seemed less depressed now and that was what mattered.

"What if…" Riku rubbed the back of his head. "What if he doesn't see it that way? Or worse, he gets worried I'm going to end up like Sephiroth? I've already let myself be taken over once by Xehanort, what if it happens again only this time…?"

"Then we'll all work together to bring you back." Sora was confident. "Come on, that Jenova chick can't be any worse than Ans-Xehanort's heartless."

Riku considered this for a long time. "I really should tell him."

His two best friends watched him encouragingly. He did not deserve friends like them, especially after everything he put them through. Of course, that was one of the major things he was currently in therapy for.

"All right, I'll tell him."

"When?" Sora insisted.

"As soon as I can."

"Okay." Sora folded his arms. "Next week. I was going to visit Radiant Garden any way. You're coming with."

"Sora, I-"

"Nope," Sora cut off his protest. "You're coming with and that's final. Don't make me fight you over it cause I can beat you now."

Yeah. That was another thing he was in therapy for. He had to kick the superiority thing; it had created way too many problems. Did it really matter if he wasn't the best? Well, he knew the answer to that but he apparently did not believe it; hence why innocent comments like Sora's just now threatened to send him off into a tizzy.

And on that subject… "Whatever. I've gotta go now or I'll be late. See you guys tomorrow."

The pair watched Riku nearly run off. Obviously, he was glad to get away from this conversation. Both worried a great deal about him, realizing there was only so much they could do for him.

"Do you think Cloud will stay with him?"

Sora frowned quizzically. "It's not like Riku has any control over his past."

"That isn't the problem," Kairi chastised. "Riku's been, well, not exactly lying to Cloud but he hasn't been truthful either. Cloud will be more upset that Riku didn't tell him. It shows that Riku doesn't truly believe Cloud loves him."

"Oh." Sora had not thought of it that way. "Trust is a big thing with Cloud."

She nodded. "He'll get over the Sephiroth thing eventually but the lack of trust, I don't know about that."

"It will be alright," Sora spoke confidently. He took Kairi's hand and began walking toward the docks. "I know it will."

Much as she wanted to believe, Kairi doubted things were going to be remotely easy for Riku. She knew the next few weeks would likely be some of his most difficult ones yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Rewritten Sept. 1.

* * *

For the next two days, Sora was positive Riku was avoiding him and Kairi. Riku claimed he was simply swamped with final papers**,** but Sora doubted it. Riku was one of the smartest guys in school and rarely spent more than a few hours on homework. He usually even had time to do a lot of Sora's for him when he whined about having too much.

Classes would be over that week for holiday break**,** which is why Sora chose then to make his trip to Radiant Garden. Even though he knew he would be notified immediately if there was trouble (the King's letter after they returned had assured that)**,** he felt better seeing it for himself. Plus, he really wanted to see everyone again.

…And now he had a more important reason.

Sora had to admit, when Riku told him and Kairi the secret he had been hiding from everyone, it really did not sink in. The whole thing was such a foreign concept. He still could not wrap his head around it- something having to do with experiments and planet blood and deranged aliens. It all sounded like a twisted sci-fi movie. Or a video game.

But now that he'd had a little time to think about it, the full weight was setting in. The **"**how**"** was still a mess**,** but the facts were now set. And even with this new found knowledge, it did not change his opinion of Riku one bit. With everything Riku himself had done, Sora had completely forgiven him and let the past go. Why in all the worlds would he hold something Riku had no control over against him?

Of course, Riku was unable to see this. Riku took everything so personally now days. This was not because he didn't trust his friends; it was his lack of faith in himself. Riku's self-confidence and more importantly, sense of self-worth, had completely crumbled. It often seemed that Riku did not feel like a real person.

Sora did not understand a lot of what Riku did while he was asleep**, **and he wasn't sure he wanted to. He never attempted to talk to Riku about Ansem or Xehanort or whoever. He knew he would never be able to comprehend it. Thankfully, Riku had found someone who did.

Sora did not know a whole lot about Cloud but got the feeling no one truly did. The blonde man was quiet as hell and kept himself some distance even from those he thought of as friends. He rarely smiled**, **and even when he was in a good mood, his eyes were sad. Only once had Sora seen Cloud look happy**,** and that had been with Riku.

How they met was a mystery that had yet to be explained**, **and somehow he doubted would be. He knew if he asked, Riku would tell him**,** but for whatever reason he had decided not to. Let them have their story. If they wanted to tell it, he was eager to hear**,** but he would leave it to them.

Riku always looked and felt lighter when he talked about Cloud. Why Riku had decided to stay on the Islands after their journey, Sora couldn't understand. It was painfully obvious he was unhappy here. Truth be told, he was not entirely comfortable here either**,** but it was still home.

If home was where the heart is, then Sora felt he did not truly have a home**, **for his heart was with his friends scattered across many worlds. This didn't bother him much**,** for he knew wherever he went, he would be fine. It was rather clear where Riku's heart was**,** and while Sora and Kairi knew they had their places within it, they knew who held the majority.

"Hey, Ku! Wait up," Sora called out to the silver haired teen, jogging to catch up. Said taller boy slowed his steps but did not stop. When Sora reached his side, he pouted at him. "You could have stopped."

"I'm already going to be late. Jacen's gonna be pissed. It's the second time this week," Riku explained without apologizing.

"Oh, I forgot that's today." Actually, Riku went to therapy twice a week. It seemed like a complete waste of time to Sora. What could Riku possibly be talking about with the man? It wasn't like he could tell him about the heartless and Ansem and going to other worlds and the Nobodies. No one here remembered any of that.

When Kairi had first told them about this, even Sora had agreed it was better they didn't say anything. If they started going on about talking ducks and mouse kings and Doors to Darkness**,** all three would be locked in an asylum shot up with Zyprexa and lithium. At first, it had not been difficult to not talk about it.

Then Riku snapped. It had been so sudden. While Sora knew he had been kinda off and sometimes his cheerfulness was a bit forced, Riku had seemed to be taking everything in stride. It was not until three weeks after their return and a horribly uneasy feeling all day that Sora went to Riku's house only to find the silvered teen huddled in the corner of his bedroom, shaking violently with a knife in his hand.

Riku had not actually done anything to himself that day and had later said he did not want to kill himself**,** but Sora was not sure how much he believed that. It had been completely traumatizing to see Riku that vulnerable. Riku had broken down, sobbing venting everything he had been keeping bottled up since this whole mess began.

That was when Sora had learned about the relationship with Cloud. At first, he could only stare blankly as Riku studied the floor intently. There had been an eternity of silence as Sora let Riku's simple sentence float through his mind. _I've been seeing Cloud._

It had not been until he'd talked to Kairi about it, with Riku's reluctant permission, that he had really been able to understand the depth of Riku's confession. Riku had to be quite serious about Cloud for him to have said anything. Kairi was the one to spell it out for him; Riku _loved_ Cloud.

Sora still was uncertain how he felt about that. There had been a brief time when Sora thought he might be in love with Riku- during that time when all he could do was search frantically and at night prayed he would find him. And then when he had Riku right there in front of him, looking so different but feeling the same way in his heart as he always had.

After some time back together, he'd come to realize that yes, he loved Riku. They were closer than brothers**,** but the love he felt wasn't romantic. Somehow, he always knew Riku felt the same. What bothered him a bit now was that Riku had someone to be in love with. He was still waiting to see what developed with Kairi, if anything.

"You can come with if you want."

Sora blinked out of his musing. He glanced at Riku oddly. Riku had actually invited him to his therapy session? "You sure?"

"Yeah, I mean, you can't go in or anything**,** but if you don't mind waiting, we could hang out after."

"Uh, yeah. Sure." They walked in silence for a few blocks. "Hey, Riku."

"What?'

"Uh," Sora was not sure how Riku was going to react to this**,** "just, what do you talk to Jacen about?"

Riku was quiet and it did not seem as if he was going to answer. Then he softly said, "Stuff."

Well**,** that answered his question. Kinda. "Oh."

"I just tell him whatever's on my mind," Riku sighed. "It's tricky sometimes. I have to be careful of what I say**, **but he seems to get it. It helps some just to get it out**,** I guess."

"Does he know about Cloud?"

Riku stiffened but did not stop walking. They were a block from the office now which was not actually an office but a house that had been converted into a counseling center. "Yeah. That's one of the first things we talked about."

Sora felt a small pang of jealousy. It was weird how Riku seemed to be able to open up to a complete stranger but found it so difficult to talk to his friends. He guessed that was the purpose of therapists**, **but he still did not like it. It seemed unfair somehow.

"He knows about my family too," **t**he seventeen year old confessed. "Kind of."

Sora turned to look at him. "You told Jacen before you told us! We're your friends, Riku!"

"I know. That's why I couldn't tell you." Riku shook his head as they began up the front steps. "You wouldn't understand."

_No, Riku, you don't understand._ Sora thought bitterly.

They entered the house**,** and Sora followed Riku upstairs and down the hall. At the end of it, he gently knocked on the right door. A rather young man with brown hair and eyes opened it. There was a slight frown on his face. "You're late again."

"I know. Got held up at school."

"This your friend?" The man, Jacen, Sora assumed, smiled easily at him. It was obvious he knew exactly who Sora was.

"Yeah. Jacen, Sora. Sora, Jacen," Riku quickly introduced them.

"Well, shall we get started?" Jacen moved to let Riku in.

"Actually, I was hoping Sora could come in too." Riku's voice was soft.

Sora could not stop his surprised gasp. Riku wanted him to sit in on his session? What was that about?

Jacen studied Riku inquisitively before nodding. "If that's what you want, we can do that today."

Riku entered the room**,** and Sora slowly followed. This would certainly be interesting. Sora had never been to a therapist or even the school counselors. He had no idea what to expect and found himself growing nervous. Was he going to have to talk? What would he say? Or was he just supposed to sit quietly and listen?

"Don't be so nervous, Sora," Riku chuckled. He was already sitting in a huge easy chair, legs folded beneath him. Apparently, the two had a routine established because the first thing Jacen did was take out a bottle of water from a small fridge in the corner.

"Water, Sora?" He glanced over a shoulder and when Sora shook his head he closed the fridge. He handed the bottle to Riku and sat on the floor, almost in a meditative position. "Have a seat, Sora."

Sora laughed in a vain effort to hide his discomfort and scrambled onto the loveseat across from the man.

Riku began immediately. "I told them everything."

"You did?" Jacen did not sound too surprised. "Good. And I'm assuming by this one's presence at least he took it well."

"Yeah, they both did." Riku flicked his eyes shyly at Sora. "Although I know he's kind of mad at me for not telling him sooner."

"I'm not mad," corrected Sora, hands in his lap. "Just kinda… disappointed."

"Why is that?" Jacen inquired.

"Well, I'm supposed to be his best friend. He's practically my brother," Sora explained. "He's supposed to be able to trust me with these things."

Riku was studying the arm of his chair intently, picking at a loose thread. He did not say anything and seemed unaware of Jacen watching him. Sora was not sure how to interpret this reaction.

"He's going with me to tell Cloud," Riku suddenly announced, voice steady but extremely quiet.

"Are you ready for that?"

"I have to be." Riku did not move from his position. "I can't keep this from him any more. It isn't right that I've kept it from everyone, especially him."

"It's your life," Jacen commented. "Your history. Is it really so important everyone knows?"

"Yes," Sora jumped in.

Jacen looked at him curiously. "And why's that? How is Riku's family history relevant to you?"

"Because this is a _huge_ thing to deal with. No one should have to deal with something like this on their own." Sora was surprised by his own outburst. "He's a part of my family**,** so everything involving him involves me, too!"

Jacen smiled. He glanced at Riku and noted the tiny grin on his patient's face. This was a really good sign to the therapist. "Well, sounds to me your family is stronger than you thought, Riku."

"Yeah, well, Sora's just like that." There was no bite to the words. "He's always been a total sap."

"Say that again."

"You're a sap." The grin increased.

Jacen was clearly reluctant to bring the focus back**,** but that was part of his job. It was nice to see Riku smile. "So, when are you going to do this?"

The expression went neutral. "Next week. Once school's out."

"You said he lived far away."

"That's an understatement," Sora snorted**, **earning a sharp look from Riku.

"He does. We'll be gone for a while," Riku explained. "Obviously, I won't be here for our sessions."

Jacen nodded. "Just call when you return**,** and you know I'm available anytime. If you need to, you know how to reach me."

"Of course, thank you." Riku sounded grateful. It was obvious he really liked this guy. "I think… I really have to do this. No matter what pain may come from it, I have to do this."

Wow, that sounded mature. Sora was impressed. He also knew Riku was full of it. He was talking big**,** but Sora knew he was still absolutely terrified and would not be going if he didn't think Sora would render him unconscious with the Keyblade and force him otherwise.

Jacen probably realized this also. He gave Sora a solemn look. "I'm counting on you to help him through this, Sora. You mean more to him than I think even he knows."

"He is still in the room," came an irritated voice.

Sora laughed. "He got that from Cloud."

"So you actually know him?" Jacen asked.

"Yeah, almost as long as Riku has." Sora rubbed the back of his head. "At least, I think for that long."

"Something like that," Riku murmured.

"What do you think of him?"

What did Sora think? "I like him. He's kinda emo and can be really moody**,** but he's loyal to his friends. Actually, he's a lot like Riku."

"I'm not emo."

"He didn't say you were," Jacen reassured. "But even you said the other stuff about that wonderful boyfriend of yours. He really sounds a lot like you**,** and Sora's just confirming the notion."

Riku seemed to be debating on whether this was a good thing or not. He stared at the window for a while before lightly huffing. "Yeah, we are a lot alike."

"Oh, admit it. You're totally ecstatic you're going to see him."

After a moment, a rather silly smile lit Riku's face. "Yeah, I am. It's been so long."

Sora was beginning to feel good about this trip. Anything that could make Riku that happy had to be good and he had no doubt that Cloud would be able to get past Riku's news**.** Then the two would be just as happy together as they ever were.

"Well, guys," Jacen glanced at the clock. "I've got another appointment."

Riku stood**,** followed by Sora**,** and finally Jacen. The brown-haired man opened the door for them. "Have fun, Riku. Don't stress too much about why you're there, just enjoy your time together_**.**_ Everything will work out as it's supposed to."

"I guess." Riku was beginning to look reluctant again.

"Take care of him, Sora," Jacen spoke sincerely.

"Will do." Sora mock saluted. "That is my job."

Jacen studied him curiously before nodding for the woman waiting in the hall to enter the room. "Have a good trip, guys."

Then they were alone in the hall. Riku stared at the door for a second before motioning to Sora. "Come on."

Sora trailed after him and outside Riku turned left, away from the direction of home. There was a small coffee shop that Riku liked going to that way. Sora was not a fan of coffee**, **so he rarely went with**, **but Kairi often met up with him there.

"Where's Kairi?"

"Huh?" Sora snapped his head up.

Riku laughed. "I asked where Kairi was."

"Oh. She had some club thing after school. She said she'd call when it was over."

Riku waited before slyly glancing at him. "So you two going to make a go at it or what?"

Sora wanted to feign ignorance but Riku would see right through it. He always did. With a heavy sigh, he folded his hands behind his head. "I don't know. Every time I start thinking about it, something just feels off."

"Maybe you're thinking too much."

"Maybe."

The pair trailed off and walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence. At the coffee shop, Riku ordered his mocha and a pastry, and insisting Sora get something**,** the brunette got a frozen hot chocolate and rice square. Once these were received, they settled in one of the corner sitting areas.

After a few sips, Riku turned toward the window. "I'm glad you came today, Sora."

"No problem." Sora grinned. He did not like the serious tone Riku had used.

"I mean it, Sora. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you, Kairi also." He took a long drink, before cradling the cup in both hands. "You know how my mother has treated me my whole life. I thought that now that I knew the truth, it would somehow be easier to deal with**,** but it's just worse now. She knows I know**, **and she's pretty much told me to get the hell out of her life. I really don't know why I stay there or why she hasn't made me leave."

Sora half-expected that. Riku's mother had always been distant from him, more caretaker than mom. It was the reason Riku had spent so much time at Sora's growing up. His mom loved Riku as her own son. In fact, Riku had told her he was gay before he told Sora.

"I don't know what's going to happen on Radiant Garden." Riku blinked, switching the subject. Was he crying? "I can't stand the thought of losing him, Sora. Even though we don't get to see each other very often, just the knowledge that he's there if I need him is enough."

Sora was a bit overwhelmed by Riku's blunt honesty. His next sentence finished the job.

"I really love him, Sora."

This conversation was totally unexpected. Sora was not quite sure how to handle it. Thankfully, a cheerful female voice interrupted.

"Hey, guys!" Kairi waved at them, getting in line. "Whatcha been doing?"

"Talking," Riku took a breath and managed to make his eye wipe look like he was simply brushing his bangs. "I actually got Sora to sit."

"I see that." She ignored the annoyed look she was getting from some of the others in line. "Didn't you see Jacen?"

"Yeah. Sora came with."

"Really?" She turned to the barista, gave her order and looked back at them. "I want to go sometime."

"Another time."

She came over with her drink, placing herself beside Riku. "So, are you feeling a little better about this trip?"

"Some," He admitted.

"Good." She grinned. "I wish I could go too. I really want to meet your man."

"Jeez, Kairi." Sora rolled his eyes.

"What?" She asked innocently. "That's what he is. It's so cute that Riku has a boyfriend. I'm actually kinda jealous that he has one before me."

"Yours will come along." Riku assured her giving Sora a covert glance. The smaller boy blushed at it, making Riku smirk faintly. "It'll just hit you when you least expect it."

"I hope," She giggled.

The three friends lapsed into silence, each sipping on their drinks. They really enjoyed these moments and hoped they never stopped. Even if they each went separate ways, they'd always find time for one another. They were still the three amigos.

"Wow, it got dark," Sora commented abruptly. The other two looked at the window. The sky had darkened and not just with the coming of night. Ominous storm clouds were slowly rolling in over the water.

"It's going to be a fun night." Riku spoke dully. "Thankfully, I've got a paper to keep me busy."

"Yeah, Sora and I have a history paper due tomorrow."

"Wait, that's due _tomorrow_?" Sora shot up. "I haven't even started it!"

"Guess you're screwed then," Smiled Riku as he and Kairi stood, Kairi gathering her bag. "Want us to walk you home?"

"Sure." Kairi took Riku's empty cup and tossed it away with hers. Sora was still frozen in place, looking completely panicked. "Come on, lazy bum. Time to go home."

They walked Kairi to her house, none of them really talking outside of Sora's occasional muttering of how doomed he was if he did not get this paper done and the others' assurances that he would get it finished. Once she went in, the guys continued on to their homes.

Just before Sora's house, the younger one glanced over. "Hey, Riku?"

"What?"

"You gonna be okay?'

There was a long stretch of quiet before he finally answered. "I hope so, Sora, I really hope so. Just a few more days, right?"

"Yeah." Sora nodded. "Well, just remember you always got me."

Suddenly there was a large hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked up to see Riku studying him intently. "Trust me, Sora. That's something I will never forget."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Rewrite Sept 15.

"So, how exactly are we getting to Radiant Garden?" Riku asked in a vain attempt to keep his mind off of the actual coming journey. Kairi glanced at him from her spot on the floor.

"We're getting a ride," Sora replied, adding a few more items to his bag. Zipping it up, he hefted it over to his bedroom door. "Or rather, we're being picked up."

"By whom?"

"Cid."

"Cid?" Riku frowned.

"Yeah. He had to make a run to Disney Castle any way, so he agreed to swing by here on the way back."

"Oh." Riku rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, Sora? Have you told any of them I'm coming with?"

Sora turned to him, noting the concern in his voice. "No. Didn't you tell Cloud?"

The expression that crossed Riku's features told him the answer to that question. Why in the worlds had Riku not said anything to Cloud yet? Did he want to surprise him or something?

Kairi's voice cut in, softly sympathetic. "Riku, when's the last time you actually talked to Cloud?"

Riku looked away and muttered something Kairi couldn't quite make out but Sora did. "Two weeks! Why the heck haven't you talked to him in two weeks?"

"I just… haven't." Riku replied. He quickly added, "It's not like we talked everyday before that."

"Just every other."

"No," Riku countered snidely. "It cost too much."

Sora folded his arms stubbornly. Riku was being evasive again, and Sora was not in the mood. He glared at the older boy for a long moment.

Riku finally sighed. "All right, I've kind of been avoiding him. We were texting each other but not for the past five days now."

Kairi nodded as if she already knew all of this. Maybe she did; she was a girl after all. "I'm sure he's worried about you."

"Probably. It usually means something bad when we go long amounts of time without any contact." Riku bit his lower lip. "I just… I don't know. Maybe it's guilt or something."

Sora really wished he understood all of this better. Obviously Kairi was getting it, at least enough to be helpful. He felt so useless to his friend. Why could he not just grow up like the rest of them? He felt so much more immature than the two of them.

"Stop sulking, Sora." Riku was giving him a slightly amused look. "It really doesn't suit you."

"Yeah, whatever." He waved the comment off and checked the time. "We've gotta go."

Riku schooled his features into an expression of indifference. It was a good mask that did not fool either of his best friends. "Where are we meeting Cid?"

"The small island behind the play island." Sora picked up his bag. Riku followed suit; then he and Kairi exited the room behind him.

They did not talk during the walk to the dock where they had been tying up their boats since they were old enough to have them. Rather than each taking their own, Kairi got in Sora's, which she would row back from the play island. Sora and Riku would continue on in Riku's.

Kairi kept a close eye on her older friend as they rowed quietly across the water. It was so painfully obvious how petrified he was about the next few days. She wished yet again she could find a way to go along. As close as Sora and Riku were, she did not know how much help Sora would be. He was more supportive than anyone but amazingly dense when it came to certain matters of the heart.

She took a quick glance at the spiky haired teen. She could not tell if Sora was really that naïve or it was an extremely carefully put together (and convincing) façade. By now, she had pretty much given up any ideas that she would ever be more than one of his best friends.

She returned her attention to the original focus of her attention. It was late evening and the reds and oranges of the setting sun cast multicolored highlights across his silver hair. It was a beautiful effect, and a soft sigh escaped her.

"What was that for?" Sora asked.

"Why are all the really hot guys gay?"

"What?" Sora sputtered and actually stopped rowing. He stared at her before glancing at Riku, who had now also stopped, and looking back to Kairi. "You think Riku's hot?"

"Well, of course. What girl wouldn't?" She giggled, giving Riku a little sexy pout and blowing a kiss. She knew he was hearing all of this quite clearly.

"Ah, if only I wasn't taken, Kai."

"And don't forget gay."

"For you, I'd make an exception."

Sora watched the two flirting and quickly became flustered. His jaw locked, and he jerkily began rowing again. "Cut it out, guys."

Riku laughed. Not the half-hearted kind they had been hearing for weeks, but a full from the gut. Despite his irritation, Sora grinned at the sound. Kairi seemed quite pleased with herself.

The tension now dispersed and the three made small talk the rest of the way. It felt like old times to them and was a welcome relief. While things may have changed drastically for them over the past few years, there were some things that never would.

Arriving at the play island, Kairi got out first, taking the line with her to tie the boat off. Riku was doing the same. Sora waited until she finished before climbing out himself. The three stood on the dock for a moment, and a sense of calm came over them, as if they knew no matter what happened, they would always have this.

"How long before you guys have to go?" Kairi took a few steps up the beach.

"We've got a few minutes, why?" Sora scratched his head.

"Come on," She beckoned.

The guys glanced at each other and with a shrug went after the petite girl. At first they thought she was heading for the small shack but suddenly she turned and went straight for the secret spot. She disappeared into the cavern without pause.

Both males hesitated on the path outside, really not wanting to go anywhere near that place.

"Come on, you two," Her voice echoed from the entrance. "Or are you still afraid of the boogeyman?"

With the slow gait of ones marching to their doom, Sora then Riku stepped forward. Pausing at the cave mouth, Sora glanced at Riku who was staring straight forward. "Have you been here since?"

"No." The eyes remained riveted ahead. "That's probably why she's making us do it now." A moment passed before a trace of a smile crossed his face. "Smart girl you got there."

Then he plunged ahead into the cavern.

Sora thought about Riku's statement for a minute before snapping himself out of it and going after Riku. The other had not idled for he was already with Kairi in the large open space. He stood beside her before the closed wooden door.

A brief unreasonable panic overtook Sora seeing them there. Too many horrific memories came with this place. He controlled his tight breathing, reminding himself that the door was sealed now, never to be opened again.

"I come here once a week," Kairi spoke softly. "I do it to remind myself that all of it was real. I always feel better after I've been here."

She had never mentioned this before. It helped explain how she seemed to have adjusted back to normal life so well. She had found her own way to balance the past with the present.

Suddenly, Riku embraced Kairi. He held onto her tightly and she simply hugged back. "Thank you."

She grinned into his chest. "You're welcome."

Sora had no idea what was going on, but if it made Riku feel better, he certainly was not going to complain. He glanced at his watch and reluctantly broke the moment. "We need to get going."

"Yeah," Riku responded softly. He pulled away from Kairi and gave Sora a light smirk. "You want one, too?"

"No." Sora laughed nervously. In an effort to cover it, he added, "You've got a boyfriend, remember?"

"Oh trust me, Sora. I haven't forgotten." There was a suggestive tone to his voice that even Sora was able to recognize. Sora made an ick face and squirmed his shoulders in mock disgust.

He turned and left, listening to the two behind him follow him out. It was almost full dark now and Kairi really needed to leave. Sora was still concerned with her being out at night. He knew it was paranoia but that did not change anything.

"Kairi, you-"

"Need to go. I know." She interrupted. Facing Riku, she reached up to brush away his bangs with both hands. "I really hate these being so long, you know. They hide your beautiful eyes."

"That's kinda the point."

"I know." She studied him a moment. "Don't stress yourself on this, Riku. It will work out." She hugged him tightly. "Remember that no matter what happens, you are loved."

"Thanks, Kairi."

She let him go and turned to Sora. As she approached him she placed her hands on her hips. "And _you_ stay out of trouble."

"I never ask for it! It just finds me!" Sora protested.

"Yeah, I know." She wrapped her small arms around him and whispered in his ear, "Take care of him, Sora. He needs you."

When she drew back, he nodded once. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek near the corner of his mouth and headed for Sora's boat. "Promise you'll see me as soon as you get back. It doesn't matter what time."

Riku expected Sora to answer but the younger boy seemed to have gone into some sort of stupor. Chuckling, he replied to Kairi's request. "We will."

She grinned wolfishly. "I want all the sexy details of your reunion."

"Pervert."

"When it comes to you bishies, what girl isn't?" She finished untying and pushed off, climbing in. As she rowed off, she called out. "Make sure Sora's okay. I think I broke him."

Riku looked over. Sora did still look rather stunned. He tapped the younger boy's shoulder and the Keyblade Master blinked. A quick shake of his head and he was completely aware again. "So, uh, let's go."

Without comment, Riku stepped to his boat and began undoing the moor line. Sora got in as he did, taking the rope as Riku followed. It was understood that Riku would row since it was his boat and he was admittedly the stronger one physically. They remained quiet for a while.

Sora stared out at the water, eyes not really focused on anything. Before Riku slipped into his own thoughts, which would likely lead into a major depressive fit, he softly commented, "You know, if you react like that to a simple kiss, I don't want to know what sex is going to be like for you."

Sora blushed heavily, flicking his blue eyes toward his friend. His tone was rather upset. "Yeah, well, we can't all be as cool and collected as you."

"Are you kidding? I was so nervous the first time I almost threw up." Riku told him. "Cloud actually _laughed_ at me."

"He did?" Sora raised an eyebrow. "Wow."

"Yeah." For some reason, Riku felt a little better being able to talk to Sora like this. "It took a while before I got comfortable with the whole thing."

Sora turned away again, another light blush covering his cheeks. "Did it hurt?"

"Yeah, it did," Riku told him honestly. "But it's totally worth it."

Sora said nothing, and Riku rowed on in silence. He had no idea what Sora was thinking but respected his privacy. Worlds knew how much he hated being pestered when he was contemplating something.

"Hey, Riku?'

"Yeah?"

"Did you just, know Cloud was the one you loved?" Sora's voice had a serious quality.

"No." The silvered teen shook his head. "It's more like as time went on I began caring more and more about him until one day I realized I was in love with him."

"Oh."

They were about a hundred yards out from the small island now and Sora watched the shoreline make its slow approach. Riku was facing away from it. "Any sign of Cid?"

"Not yet." Sora squinted his eyes in an effort to see better. "Well that might be him."

"Let me see." Riku turned a moment. "Yeah, that's his gummi ship."

Sora stared at him. "I know you've always had good eyes, but how the heck can you see that?"

"I have near perfect night vision," The older male spoke simply, returning to rowing.

"Because of the darkness?"

"No, mako," He answered slowly. "Cloud and Sephiroth are the same."

"Oh, right." Sora clearly did not understand but wasn't going to ask for an explanation. He was not up to making his brain work any harder than it already had today.

The shoreline finally came up and Sora jumped the side to help guide the boat up onto the sand. Riku followed shortly, taking the other side. Once they secured the boat far enough up the beach to ensure it would not get washed out with high tide, they grabbed their bags and headed for the landed gummi ship.

Cid stood outside of it, looking miserable in the hot, humid weather. He was quietly cursing around his cigarette. "Damn humidity. This is the last time I fucking come to this world."

"Hey, Cid. Nice to see you too," Riku commented sarcastically.

The middle aged man spat out his cig. "No one said you were comin' along."

"I'm a last minute addition."

"Well, shoot kid, you couldn't have picked a better time." Cid brushed his nose. "Spiky's been moping around for over a week now."

"Really?" Sora gave Riku a knowing look.

Cid caught it and gave Riku a stern face. "You been avoiding him again?"

Riku turned his head, actually looking guilty. "Kinda."

"I swear to Shiva you two were meant for each other," Cid sighed. "Well whatever the problem, you better fix it fast. He's driving us all to drink, especially Leon. Now let's get out of this hellhole."

"Hey! This is our home!" Sora shouted defensively.

"But it ain't mine, so I don't give a shit. You comin' or not?"

Riku chuckled under his breath, following Cid into the ship. Sora pouted but also followed. They stashed their bags and settled in behind the blonde man. After a few minutes he had them lifted off and heading for open space.

"So, I'm guessin' you finally told the kid here 'bout you and Cloud considering you didn't bite my head off out there." Cid engaged the warp drive before turning in his seat. "'Bout fuckin' time."

"Yeah." Riku shook his head at Cid's offered cigarette. "Maybe later."

Sora frowned at him. "Hey, you promised you'd quit!"

"And I did. Never said I wouldn't start again."

Cid snorted, lighting up his. "They've all been harping on me to quit. Told them if I want to die of lung cancer, that's my business."

They lapsed into silence, none of them feeling the need to speak. Cid eventually turned back to his controls and after a few more minutes, Sora got up and leaned over his shoulder. He started up a steady stream of questions to which Cid answered curtly.

Riku simply sat back and tried to keep his head clear. He was on his way to see the man he loved more than anything in the worlds. He should have been ecstatic, filled with eager anticipation, but all he felt was a dull dread. He was already worn.

He must have managed a light sleep because next thing he knew, Sora was gently shaking him. "Hey, sleepy. We're almost there."

"Oh." He straightened, taking a quick look at his watch.

"You haven't been sleeping again." Sora said accusingly.

"I've been sleeping," He retorted, reaching for his bag, "Just not well." At Sora's questioning look he explained, "Happy pill time."

"Happy pills?" Cid echoed. "Don't tell me they got you on those fuckin' things. Total waste of munny. You don't need those."

"That's what I told him." Sora smirked at Riku.

Riku did not bother to reply, just taking the damn things. Yes, he disliked them, but taking them was what was keeping him out of the hospital. And he had to admit, they did seem to steady him out a bit.

"How far out are we?"

"Look out the viewport."

There was the castle, looming directly before them. "Oh."

Cid completed the landing process flawlessly. Once settled in the garage he stood, not bothering to look behind him. "Well, my job's done. Let me know when ya wanna head back. Or better yet, make Cloud take ya."

He dropped the hatch and left. After he did, Sora gave Riku a bright smile. There was a ton of reassurance packed into it. "Come on, Riku. Let's go find Cloud."

Sora's tone of voice was enough to push the dread away, at least for now. Riku allowed himself a small grin. "Yeah."

Cid ignored them as they passed with their bags. Stepping outside, Sora shielded his eyes from the sunlight giving them time to adjust. Riku didn't even blink as he asked. "Where do you think everyone's at?"

"Leon's probably got them all working." Sora took a few steps ahead. "We'll go to Merlin's first. Someone should be there."

Riku nodded agreement, and they walked down the street. Thankfully, Riku found his excitement overpowering his anxiety. By the time they reached the old wizard's house, he was close to shaking. Sora glanced at him and smiled goofily.

He entered first, Riku almost on his heels. Only Aerith was inside, but her face lit up upon sight of the two teens. "Sora! Riku!"

"Hey," Sora greeted. Riku merely nodded. She came over and hugged each, Riku last.

She gave him an intense look. "It's good you came."

"Where is he?" Riku's voice was just above a whisper.

"They're working near the castle."

Sora nudged him. "Let's ditch our stuff here and go."

They did so and with a quick good-bye practically ran out. Well Sora ran; Riku tried to make it look like a casual yet hurried stroll. It did not work too well, but he did have a reputation to maintain.

Riku was able to hear Cloud and Leon well before he saw them. He could make out Cloud's steady bickering about not being made for menial labor and Leon finally threatening to make him paint. After that, Cloud's voice disappeared.

He grinned to himself as he and Sora hiked the stumpy mound of dirt before them and looked down. Golden spikes glinted in the sun as their owner lugged an oversized bucket of debris. There were a few tears in his clothes and dirt on his arms.

Cloud had never looked so beautiful.

"Hey, guys! I brought a friend." Sora called down.

Leon and Cloud turned in unison. Leon donned an intrigued expression as Cloud simply froze. They waited as the teens slid their way down the slope and stopped before them. Sora made it a point to stand closer to Leon and away from the reunited couple.

"So he finally told you."

"Yep."

Riku studied Cloud's face, as if making sure it was exactly as he remembered. Cloud looked back with near equal intensity. Neither seemed to believe they were standing before the other.

Cloud was the one to reach out first. He placed a hand to the side of Riku's face, thumb brushing his cheek. Feeling the warmth of it, a corner of his lip curled. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, dumbass." Riku bit his lip. "I can go back…"

"Don't even think it." Cloud closed the distance, and Riku automatically tilted his head down slightly as he was a few inches taller than the other man. Their kiss was far from chaste, and Sora turned away in mild embarrassment.

Leon rolled his eyes up a moment before turning to Sora. "Come on, kid. They might be a while."

He placed a hand on Sora's shoulder and steered him toward the pathway they must have been using to get what they cleared out through. "We'll be at the house."

Neither of the other two made any indication that they had heard.


	4. Chapter 4

Rewritten Oct 4.

The moment Leon and Sora walked into Aerith's house, Yuffie was on them. She stomped her foot with her arms held rigidly at her sides. "Why didn't anyone tell me Sora was coming?"

"I don't think he's the one coming right now," Leon muttered, moving away from the small Ninja and leaving poor Sora with her.

"Huh?" Yuffie tilted her head questioningly. Sora went completely red in the face. He could not believe the normally quiet man had just said that.

Yuffie shrugged it off and smacked Sora's arm. "You should have seen the monster we had to fight the other day. Oh my gosh, it was huge! Even Leon and Cloud had trouble with it."

She suddenly paused. "Hey, where is Cloud?"

"With Riku."

"Riku's here, too?" She waited for Sora to nod affirmatively before laughing. "Well, we're not gonna see them for at least a few hours. Man, those two can just keep going! I don't think I've ever heard as much noise as I did that one time-"

Leon glanced over and noticed Sora beginning to squirm. "Yuffie, shut up. Sora doesn't want to hear it."

Aerith chose then to come in from the back where the garden was located. She entered the kitchen area and set the bundle of greens in her hands down. "Well, I see you all found one another."

"Did you know Riku was here, too?" Yuffie whirled on her.

"Yes," The flower girl answered, setting water to boil. Leon had meanwhile begun sorting through the herbs on the counter. "I purposely didn't tell you because they didn't need you to disrupt their reunion."

Yuffie pursed her lips, about ready to go off on Aerith when Leon caught her eye and instead she huffed off. Once gone, Sora breathed a sigh of relief and stepped over to the counter. He liked Yuffie but had the feeling that all she would talk about was Riku and Cloud's sex life.

He watched Aerith and Yuffie work side by side, slightly in awe of how efficiently they did. Both seemed to know exactly what the other was going to do and was ready when they did it. It was impressive to observe.

"So, uh, did Riku live with you guys or something?" He suddenly asked. Riku had not gone into any details about his and Cloud's relationship, but since everyone here seemed to know him well he had to assume Riku had at least spent a significant amount of time here. Not to mention Yuffie's little story earlier…

"He stayed with Cloud and I for a while," Leon explained. "He was only here a couple of months."

"Oh. Riku didn't really go into detail."

"Not surprising." Leon didn't even look up. "He's only slightly more talkative than Cloud."

"So you guys like Riku?"

Aerith smiled at him then turned to add pasta to the pot on the stove. "He's a wonderful person."

Sora waited for Leon to give his opinion but it never came. This should not have surprised him but it did. While the spiky brunette was not the most observant guy in the worlds, he was fairly good at reading those he was close to. There were a few exceptions to that- Cloud and at times Riku- but having spent as much time with Leon as he had, he thought he had a good grasp on him. It seemed to him that the man rather liked Riku.

"So besides dragging Riku here to visit the estranged boyfriend, why'd you come?" The herbs Leon had been finely chopping were added to the simmering sauce Aerith had started.

"Uh, well." Sora rubbed the back of his head. "I just wanted to make sure things were okay around here."

"We'd call if there was trouble."

"Yeah, I know but," Sora studied the countertop. "I just… really needed to see for myself."

Leon gave him a look that told him he knew there was much more to that answer but he was not going to push it. Aerith also seemed to recognize that judging by the soft hum she made. Sora wished he was not so easy to figure out.

"Would you mind getting Cid and telling him dinner's almost finished?" Aerith requested. "He's been so busy, he often looses track of time."

"Sure." Sora straightened. He turned and bounded out the front door, glad to be out of there for a few minutes. That had been kinda stressful, but he did not know why. And why had they kept asking why he was there?

He stopped to say hello to Scrooge, who had made him promise to come back and try some new ice cream flavors. Then the old duck's nephews had appeared, almost out of nowhere, and challenged him to a skateboard contest. A few others who recognized him also said hello as he walked the streets back to the gummi garage. He smiled to every one of them, feeling more content than he had in a long time.

He was met with cursing in the garage. There was something so familiar about it that he smiled even more. "Hey, Cid. Food."

"For the love of Shiva! Why the hell won't this fit?"

"Uh, Cid?"

"Yeah, I heard ya, kid." He didn't look up. "Hey, c'mere a sec."

Sora did as beckoned. Cid had both hands wrapped around some cylinder. He let one hand go to grab Sora's and place it where his had been. "Just hold this a minute."

He reached over for a hammer and began pounding. Sora flinched at each bang, praying that the middle-aged man did not miss. "What's wrong with Riku?"

"Huh?" Sora barely heard him over the banging.

"The kid, what's with the pills?"

"Oh, uh, well after we got back, Riku… just didn't adjust well. Of course, he never said anything about it, but I kinda knew something was up with him. I didn't know how bad it was until he tried to kill himself."

The hammer nearly slipped, but the voice that spoke was not Cid's.

"Riku tried to kill himself?"

Sora let go of the part and faced Leon. "Well, it looked like he was going to. He says he wasn't."

Leon studied him intently. "Is that when he told you about Cloud?"

"Yeah."

Folding his arms, the sable-haired man's expression remained impassive. He shared a quick look with Cid, who merely grunted, then turned and left. "Dinner's done."

Sora walked with Cid back to the house, neither one speaking. Some kind of silent communication passed between the older men that went way above Sora's head. What had that look been about? It was like they knew something he did not. Then again, maybe they did.

That stirring of anger that had been coming and going for weeks now returned. He crushed it down again, like he did every other time. It would not do any good to be mad at Riku for being Riku. It was not going to change him.

Dinner turned out to be an oddly quiet affair. Yuffie did her best to keep everyone talking, purposely calling attention to herself, but outside a few biting remarks from Cid, she went mostly ignored. Leon ate mechanically, not even gracing Yuffie with a glare.

As soon as she finished, she stood muttering something about being surrounded by sourpusses and left the house, not bothering to clear her place. Cid followed shortly after, clearing his setting. This left Sora, Leon and Aerith, and the female began clearing the table silently.

Leon abruptly got up and walked for the door. He said nothing as he left.

Sora frowned before turning to Aerith. "Maybe we shouldn't have come."

She smiled that gentle smile of hers. "No, it's good you came. There are things that need to be dealt with and they should be done in person."

It sounded like she knew exactly why Sora and Riku were here. Then again, a lot of things Aerith said made it sound like she was some all knowing deity. How she did it, he could not fathom.

Deciding he did not want to sit around doing nothing, he grabbed both his and Riku's bags and brought them over to Leon's house. It was an unspoken understanding that they would both be staying there. Sora always had in the past, and he doubted Riku's added presence would change that. As awkward as it was to think it, Sora figured his best friend would be sleeping with Cloud.

Once he finished that task, he went out and found Huey, Dewy, and Louie. The next hour was spent, skateboarding around the marketplace. It kept him successfully distracted, and he had a great deal of fun. It was a thrill to be jumping stone railings and nearly running over pedestrians again.

He had missed this more than he could admit to anyone including himself.

When the sun began setting, the triplet ducks had to go home and Sora found himself alone again. He slowly drove the board along stone roads, listening to the clacking. With a bit of magical assistance, he hopped the steps up to the bailey and ran the length of the walkway.

Halting his momentum, he just caught sight of Leon in his usual thinking spot at the large opening that looked out at the castle. Even his position was the same, though a bit on the tense side. It was such a familiar sight that Sora again found himself wanting to smile.

He kicked the skateboard up and carried it over. Leaning against the opposite side of the alcove, he mirrored the man's stance. They remained silent for a while, simply gazing out.

"What's going on, Leon?"

"That's what I should be asking you."

Sora frowned. Maybe he should try sorting out his feelings. After all was he not the one always chastising Riku about bottling things up? "I'm just, restless, I guess. I like being home, being with my friends but it's just… I don't know. I know I can't have it both ways but I miss the traveling from world to world, meeting new people and seeing new places.

"I miss being here. I just wish there was a way to somehow live both ways. Be the Keyblade Master and a plain old kid. And then there's Kairi. I don't know what's going on there. I like her a lot but I don't know if I _like_ her only everyone seems to think I do and maybe they're right."

He sighed, "And to top it all off there's Riku."

Leon was quiet for several minutes. Sora figured the man had tuned out his childish venting but was surprised. "You and Riku have had to deal with some very heavy things and both of you have sacrificed a lot."

"I guess," Sora slowly agreed. "But I don't regret it."

"Good. You both saved a lot of people, directly and indirectly," He commented.

Some more time passed. Sora felt they were somehow skirting around what they really wanted to talk about. Leon was not much of a talker but when he did you could bet it was worth hearing, whether it be advice or a really scathing remark at someone's expense.

"You made Riku come, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Sora stared at the stone before his oversized shoes. He felt like he was somehow betraying Riku's trust a little but it was not like he was giving away anything. "Riku's had a lot on his mind lately, been having some major emotional troubles. Some of it, he just has to work through but, well, he's been keeping a really big secret from everyone for a while now. He only just told me and Kairi."

"Something other than Cloud?"

"Yeah."

"But this secret had something to do with Cloud?" Leon correctly guessed.

Sora sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, yeah. He's terrified about how Cloud's going to react to it. I think he's convinced himself that Cloud will break up with him because of it."

Leon considered this. "It must be major."

"It could be," Sora agreed reluctantly.

Leon moved away from the view to pace a bit. He was thinking heavily about something but Sora could not be certain what. He now knew without a doubt that Leon knew a lot more about Riku and Cloud than he did.

"All we can do is stand-by," Leon stated softly. There was a touch of concern in his voice.

Sora studied him, noticing the tightness around his eyes and the crinkling of the scar between them. Leon was more worried than Sora had ever seen him. Not even facing hundreds of Heartless had brought this expression on.

"I know."

They stood there for a bit longer before, by unspoken consent, both began the walk home. It was full dark now and the streets empty. There was something calming and yet foreboding about it.

"You going to be okay at the house?"

Sora glanced over. Something about the way he asked the question… "What do you mean?"

"Depending on how things go, Cloud and Riku can be quite… vocal."

"Huh?"

Leon only looked at him with a raised eyebrow. The boy was not really that naïve, was he? Taking in the confused look, Leon sighed. Yes, he was. "Sex, Sora."

"Ohhhh." Sora turned his face violently away but could not keep Leon from seeing his reaction to the word he had been trying to avoid using in conjunction with his best friend and Cloud. He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, yeah. It's fine."

Leon actually laughed.

"Well, I mean, they can do whatever they want," Sora explained quickly. "They are going out and all that so if they're, you know, then I have to be okay with that."

"You're beginning to sound like you have a crush, Sora," Leon commented.

"Who me? I don't have a crush on Riku! That's just crazy."

"I didn't say Riku," the older man stated calmly. "I could have been referring to Cloud but you've just confirmed a few suspicions of mine."

Sora whirled on the man. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Leon did not answer. They were at the house now and he simply walked in. Sora trailed slowly behind, unhappy scowl locked onto his face. Just what was Leon getting at? If he was implying that Sora secretly liked Riku, he was wrong. Sora had already considered that and dismissed it. He was _not_ crushing on his best friend.

Inside, Leon shrugged off his jacket. "Do you want to sleep on the couch and risk those two not noticing you there or bunk with me in my room?"

He really did not need to see the other two in any compromising situations. "Uh, I'm probably better with you, huh?"

"So long as you don't mind the banging. The bedrooms are right beside one another."

"Better hearing than seeing," Sora managed to get out with a straight face.

"My sentiments exactly." With a roll of his shoulders, the man headed stairs. "I'm going to take a shower then head for bed. Just don't make too much noise when you come in."

Sora nodded and then was alone in the room. He sat on the couch for a few minutes, listening idly to the shower run. Deciding he really did not want to think any more today, he got up and went to Leon's room. There, he quickly changed and got into the bed.

He fell asleep quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

Rewritten Nov 12, 2008

* * *

Darkness had long since fallen on Radiant Garden. Not in the figurative, only few would understand sense but the literal. They had lost track of the time a while ago, simply too lost in each other. It had not been long after Leon had lead Sora away that hands had moved to tangle in hair before sliding down to brush skin and tug at clothing. For an unfathomable amount of time, there was only desperation.

Before things got too heavy, Riku managed to pull his lips away from Cloud's earlobe and murmured that as much as he was enjoying this, he did not feel like playing in the dirt. Cloud agreed, albeit needing a moment to do so as he caught his breath. Reluctantly drawing apart, not bothering to straighten themselves out beyond the half-hearted fixing of shirts, they walked side-by-side to the river beyond Zero district.

The area was nearly always abandoned, no one bothering to venture through the still waiting to be rebuilt area that the Restoration Committee had decided to tackle last. Much of their time together had been in Zero and the riverbank had become the couple's retreat, going when together and when apart to be gently reminded of the other. They both secretly wondered when they had become so sickenly romantic.

There was a secluded spot at a sharp bend where the flow shifted and the water bubbled over the rocks in a mild torrent. Boulders blocked most of the view, creating a v shape enclosure. They had discovered it during one of their walks at the beginning of their relationship.

And that's were they remained for the rest of the night, reassuring themselves of the other's presence, of their very existence. Each touch was exchanged and kisses returned with equal if not greater fervor. For every brushing of Riku's body, a moan of pleasure was granted. For every pass Riku's tongue made, a heady sigh. There was completion, only to begin the process again once when breath was caught and heat began to fade.

Feeling whole again for the first time in months, Riku watched the stars sparkle and shine. He lay contently beside Cloud, knowing the other man was doing the same thing. Having finally exhausted, they simply basked in the feeling of having each other near.

Apprehension was trying to worm its way in but Riku managed to keep it at bay. He would _not_ allow anything to ruin this one night. If things did not go well later, he wanted to have at least one memory to remain untainted.

He turned his head from the beauty of the cosmos to study the one beside him. Blonde spikes fell back in haphazard order, shining in the dim light. Unnaturally bright blue eyes gazed upward, surrounded by pale skin that seemed to have its own inner glow. Completing the picture were lips that were not too thin, settled into an expression of calm contentment.

Riku committed that face to memory.

Feeling eyes upon him, Cloud glanced over without moving his head. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Riku scooted closer. "Just taking in the view."

Cloud smirked at the cheesy line. He moved an arm so that Riku could duck his head in to rest it on Cloud's chest. His hand settled on the teen's bare hip. "Nothing to look at down here but you."

Riku lifted his head to look at his lover in mock surprise. "Was that one of those corny lines you so despise?"

"Of course not."

He slid his body up just enough to plant a kiss on Cloud's mouth and returned to his position. They lay comfortably in silence, wrapped together for a good half-hour longer before Riku decided that the comfort of Cloud's body no longer outweighed the chilled breeze on his naked body.

He sat up, ignoring Cloud's noise of protest. He refused to call it a whine; Cloud did not whine. "It's getting cold."

"You've been in the tropics too long." Cloud also rose, looking for his clothes mixed about with Riku's. It would have been so much easier had either of them worn colors other than black.

Riku suddenly paused and a dark look crossed his face. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I shouldn't have been gone so long."

"Don't worry about it." Cloud finally located his pants and stood to put them on. "We both decided that going back and finishing school is what you needed to do. You're here now so let's just enjoy the time while it lasts."

Riku's expression darkened further. A flicker of pain crossed it and he prayed Cloud didn't notice. "Yeah."

Cloud frowned at Riku's abrupt change in mood. Something was clearly troubling the other and whatever it was, it was likely the reason he was here and why he had been slacking in communicating with him. He did not ask but reached up to run a hand along the younger one's cheek reassuringly.

Riku smiled a little and took hold of the hand. He pressed the knuckles of it to his lips a moment before pushing them away with a smirk. "Ick. You're dirty."

"Can't imagine why," Was the flat response.

Both finished redressing and Cloud wrapped an arm around Riku's waist. "Come on, let's go home."

"Yeah."

The walk back was slow, taking their time maneuvering the empty streets. Cloud had removed his arm but in response, Riku had placed his around the smaller man's shoulders. While the positioning was not usual, they made it a point to keep their relationship fairly low key, Cloud found he really didn't mind it.

Entering the house silently, neither found it necessary to turn on any lights. They quietly made their way toward the bedroom, navigating easily through the darkness. Riku veered off toward the bathroom to clean up a little, having taken the brunt of the earth's dirt on him, and Cloud proceeding ahead.

Riku's bag had been brought in already and placed on the bed. Cloud went to move it onto the floor and noticed the left open side pouch and the pill bottles within it. He took one out and looked over the label frowning. He did not recognize the name, nor did he for the next one. What was Riku taking medicine for?

"One's an anti-depressant, the other's an anti-psychotic," Riku spoke softly from the door.

"Why are you taking these?"

Riku shrugged. "Because the psychiatrist prescribed them."

Cloud put the bottles back in the bag, carrying it over to sit beside the dresser. He watched Riku for a minute as he finished cleaning off most of the grime from his back with a wet washcloth. The pants came off and he tackled his legs next. The teen was very methodical in his efforts.

"It's not a big deal." Riku commented as he walked. "You know I've had some trouble adjusting to things. It just got to be a little too much to handle on my own."

Cloud wanted to snap at him for not coming to him or at least telling him when things got to be too much but held his tongue. He would have done the same thing and he knew it. Though he likely would not have even brought himself to get the little help Riku had.

Riku finished his clean up and tossed the washcloth on top of what he assumed was Cloud's dirty clothes pile. In only his boxers, he sat on the edge of the bed. Folding his hands before him, he looked up at Cloud. "Sora made me realize I needed help. He found me, well, in a bad position and if it weren't for him… I don't really know what would have happened. That's when I started calling less."

He smiled self-depreciatedly. "I wasn't shutting you out on purpose, I just didn't know what to say."

Cloud studied him for a span of time that seemed to stretch longer than it probably was. He came over and knelt between Riku's knees, titling his head up. They gazed at one another, communicating unspoken words of understanding and concern.

Riku bent down and kissed Cloud intensely. When he pulled away he tugged on a spike of blonde hair. "As much as I'd love to show you again how much you mean to me, I'd like to be able to walk tomorrow."

Cloud snorted softly before giving a rather mischievous grin. "How 'bout I show you instead?"

Riku raised a silver eyebrow in question as Cloud began playing with his lover's waistband, tugging it further down his hips. "Proof that I forgive you for acting like me."

The teen could only moan as Cloud proceeded to give his proof.

--0—0--

Riku awoke, spooned around his blonde's shorter body. Cloud breathed slowly, still sound asleep. Sunlight streamed through the crack in the drapes and judging by the intensity, it was mid-morning. Faint noise could be heard from the direction of the kitchen.

Reluctantly, he slid away from Cloud and got out of bed. He was still a little sore but he was happy about that. Last night had been real, not one of his not real enough dreams. It somehow made thoughts about future necessary events easier.

Before he could become too depressed, he made sure his boxers were in order, he had fallen asleep almost immediately after Cloud's little gift, grabbed his meds and left the room. He made his way to the living area where Sora was straddling one of the high barstools lining the counter that separated the living room and kitchen, talking to Leon who was making pancakes in the kitchen.

"My mom makes the best crepes. I have no idea how she does it. I can't cook for nothing."

"You're mom's just an incredible cook," Riku commented, heading into the kitchen intent on a glass of juice.

"Have a good night?" Leon asked casually, flipping batter.

"Amazing."

Sora managed not to choke but was again blushing. "Uh, morning, Riku."

"Same to you." He took a long drink to wash out the sticky after taste in his mouth and to swallow down his pills. "Where were you last night? You weren't on the couch."

"I slept with Leon."

"Did you?" Riku looked over his shoulder at the sable-haired man with a smirk.

"Get your mind out of the gutter. Just because Cloud has no qualms robbing the cradle doesn't mean I don't."

Laughing, Riku rubbed at his bare stomach. "How long till those are ready?"

"These," he indicated the stack on the counter, "are finished. I purposely left batter for you whenever the two of you got up. So go take a shower cause you look like you spent all night fucking by the river. Hell, you should probably make Cloud go with you."

"Yeah," Riku agreed slowly, glancing at Sora uncomfortably. Sora gave him an overly large grin and a thumbs up which seemed enough to reassure Riku. He nodded then poured a large mug of coffee and turned back down the hall.

He knew Sora had been totally faking it but at the moment, took it at face value. He had enough he was trying to not worry about. Sora could deal with himself.

He slipped back into the bedroom, noting Cloud had moved the blankets around into a cocoon. Some things never changed and thank whatever gods there were for that. Setting the coffee down, he climbed onto the bed and knelt beside the blonde.

"Come on, Cloud." He nudged the man a few times. This was greeted by several irritated groans and a bit of movement. "Time to wake up."

Cloud slowly lowered the sheet over his head. He blinked a few times, fixing his attention on his boyfriend and smiling.

"Well that was easier than usual," Riku commented.

"You really are here."

"Well, yeah." Riku smirked. "Who else would let you violate their ass like that?"

"I was afraid it was a dream," Cloud explained softly.

Riku leaned over and kissed him deeply. When he drew away, he met Cloud's eyes. "I'm really here."

"Good." Cloud tried to pull the sheet back over his head. "Then let's go back to sleep."

"Oh, no. We've got things to do today." _…And stuff to talk about. No, we're not thinking about that now._ "Leon wants us to shower."

"Later."

"No, now." Riku pulled on Cloud's arm. Cloud reluctantly slipped out from under the sheets and shuffled after him.

In the hall, Sora was going into Leon's room. He caught sight of the pair and immediately began studying the floor. "Oh, um, hey Cloud."

"Hi, Sora." An awkward moment ensued before Sora ducked into the room.

Riku and Cloud glanced at each other. Riku shrugged a little and continued on, Cloud following a step behind. They entered the shower quietly, probably more out of habit at the moment. Riku was clearly preoccupied and Cloud was unwilling to question him about it. He was rather confident he already knew what it was about.

The shower ended up more business like than either of them initially hoped but there was little to be done about it. Neither one had really considered how Sora's presence would factor into things. The boy was trying so hard to be completely okay with everything but it was clear he wasn't.

After they both dressed, they went to the kitchen. Sora was nowhere in sight and Leon was finishing up cleaning from earlier. "Sora went to Aerith's."

Riku nodded mechanically and Cloud made no reaction. Leon looked between them. "Don't worry too much about it, guys. Sora will get used to everything quickly."

"You realize you're almost as bad as Aerith," Cloud muttered.

"It's true." He threw a rag in the sink. "He's got some things to work through."

"_He's_ got things?" Riku almost snapped. "What the hell does he have to worry about?"

This earned concerned looks from both men. Riku quickly began working on his and Cloud's breakfast. _That was stupid,_ he mentally chastised himself.

Leon left the kitchen for the living area, sitting across from Cloud. The silence was tense. Riku finished cooking and handed over Cloud's stack to him and then he sat beside him. Leon watched casually as the two ate, noting how they seemed to literally feed off of each other's anxiety.

Something was clearly troubling Riku and Cloud was reacting strongly to it. That was the largest problem with relationships like theirs. While each did their damnest to support the other, it was so incredibly easy for them to both drown.

As soon as he finished, Cloud stood to put away his plate. "I told Aerith I'd help her till the garden. I might as well get it done and over with."

Riku did not look but mumbled an okay. When Cloud left, giving the teen a brief kiss beforehand, Riku sighed and relaxed against the chair. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"What's up?" Leon leaned back. "This is way more than being uncomfortable around Sora. You came for a specific reason."

Riku waited to figure out his words. "Yeah, I did. There's… something I have to tell Cloud. All of you should know actually. I just… I know what I have to do, I'm just terrified to do it."

"Must be big."

"Huge," Riku chuckled. There was no humor in it.

"Dragging it out won't help."

The silvered one exhaled, apprehension shading his eyes. "I know. I just wanted a little time, you know, just in case…"

Leon gave him a hard look. "Cloud loves you."

"I know," Riku said brokenly. "That doesn't mean he won't leave."

Leon studied the young man. Riku was all but certain his relationship with Cloud was about to end. Whatever it was Riku had to tell them, it had to be horrendously bad. Leon personally could not think of anything that would make Cloud leave Riku.

"Look." He stood and waved a hand almost dismissively. "Whatever it is, we're a family now. We'll stick with you no matter what."

Riku smiled tightly. There was real comfort in Leon's words and he knew the man meant each and every one. "Thanks, Leon. That really means a lot."

He only hoped he still meant them after he heard what Riku had to tell them.


	6. Chapter 6

Rewritten Dec 28.

* * *

Leon left to check on some things leaving Riku sitting alone in the living room. While the silence was soothing, it did nothing for the pressure building within him. It was slowly growing, waiting for _that_ moment. When the time would finally come and everything would change, for better or worse. Part of him could not wait for it. At least then it would be over, one way or another.

He slammed a first down on the armrest and abruptly got to his feet. Damn it all! Why the hell was everything in his life so fucking complicated? What in the worlds had he done to deserve this? Or was it all preordained? Or worse, maybe everything was just has Sephiroth had said.

He had not wanted to believe the man's words, didn't want to put any faith in his twisted observations of the worlds. But, there was a certain truth to them. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew there was. He had seen too much for there not to be.

And then there was that other voice. Sometimes a whisper, other times just a clinging sense of someone just beyond hearing range. Those soft, artificially soothing, caring tones of the one who told him to call her Mother.

Like hell he was going to do that.

He had finally kicked Ans-Xehanort fully and that's when she had started. Sephiroth was certain she was always there, just muted by the other. Once Riku was ready, Sephiroth would teach him how to silence her as he had finally done, when he had realized she was nothing but a desperate entity, manipulating him to serve her purpose.

Now that she was aware of another 'son's' existence, she was scrambling to take control. The anti-psychotics helped with quieting the noise but it never truly went away. Riku's efforts to remove her were further complicated by his own willingness to embrace the darkness. By making it a part of him and freely wielding it, he had given her the perfect access point.

But he could be rid of her. Sephiroth swore to it and having been under her influence for as long as he had and still residing in the dark, Riku had to believe him. His only real obstacle was he had to completely and totally be honest with himself and those he loved.

Sora and Kairi had been much easier than he expected. He knew he must have sounded emotionally detached from the situation as he carefully explained everything he knew. It was the only way he could approach the subject with them, act as if he was simply telling a story.

He knew Sora had not really understood any of it. Kairi, while also clearly confused, had simply come over and hugged him. He had been getting a lot of those from her lately. He was mildly surprised how much comfort he had drawn from the girl. She was definitely becoming the mothering type.

And then there was Sora, sweet, wonderful, often infuriatingly innocent Sora. His best friend tried so hard to help but it often ending up only making Riku feel worse. He really wished Sora was not so… diligent in his efforts. Yes, he knew when to back off and when to push but why? Riku could not understand why it was apparently so important to the other to take care of him.

He had done nothing but cause Sora pain, and even Kairi had suffered because of him. Now, he was going to do it to Cloud. Was that the type of person he was? Did all he do was cause anguish to those that got close to him?

_Come on, Riku. Pull yourself back together._ Funny how his inner voice sounded so much like Sora.

Standing, Riku pressed at his temples with both hands. This had to stop somehow. He was so tired of constantly questioning everything, tired of feeling worthless. He took a peculiar comfort in that once this last confession was done and everything was out in the open, it would all end, one way or the other.

That sounded kinda suicidal, didn't it?

He sighed and decided he needed some air. This fit of depression was rapidly going from bad to worse and he needed to do something. Stepping outside, he took a quick look around. There was no one else on the street as most would be working at this time of day. Heading away from the direction of town, he let his feet take him where they would.

--0—0--

Sora was thankful when Aerith said they were finished for the day. When he had agreed at dinner yesterday to help her with some chores around the house, he had not thought reorganizing the attic would be one of them. She had only lived here a few months, how the heck had she managed to accumulate so much stuff?

He gratefully accepted the lemonade she handed him, not bothering to check it before chugging it. It was not like she would accidentally add salt to it again and truth be told, he really did not think that had been an accident in the first place. Leon did kind of have it coming to him after criticizing her like he had.

"Would you take this out to Cloud?"

Sora's head perked up from its position thrown back against the chair top. "Cloud's here?"

"He's doing some garden work for me." She held out a glass to him.

"Sure." Getting up he took it from her and walked out back. Aerith had one of the largest backyards in town and a good chunk of it was taken up by her gardens. She had one for edibles and the other was flowers. Cloud was at the far end of the flower one.

Sora watched the man as he approached. Cloud had actually removed his shirt and the teen realized had never really looked at the warrior before. While Sora was nearly positive he was straight, he was able to at least admit to himself when he thought another man was attractive. And Cloud certainly fell into that category.

After a few moments of observation, he called out Cloud's name. The blond stopped, digging the till into the dirt and turning toward the teen. Sora held out the liquid refreshment. "Aerith thought you might want it."

Cloud step over and took it, drinking it quite a bit slower than Sora had his. When finished with the first draw, he studied the younger one. "Thanks."

"No prob." There was a brief period of silence. "Well, uh, I guess I'll see if Aerith needs anything else."

"Hang on." Cloud halted him. He, too, seemed a bit hesitant. "Look, I don't want things to be awkward between us. We've all known each other too long for that."

Sora rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled nervously. "I'm fine. Really. I'm totally okay with Riku dating you."

Cloud frowned at the choice of words. Leon's comment earlier came back to him. "Sora, I understand."

Sora gave him a look. "Understand what?"

Cloud simply went back to the garden patch he was working on.

After watching him turn up the earth for a bit, Sora took a step closer. He had no idea why or even what he was doing. "I'm not jealous of you."

"I didn't think you were."

"It's just, Riku means a lot to me, probably more than a friend should and I hate seeing him suffer."

The blonde stopped again and glanced over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure," Sora answered honestly. "It's just… sometimes it really hurts to be with him. I feel his pain and I know I can't do anything about it."

Cloud said nothing.

"You mean more to him than anything. You're the reason he lives, I think. Sometimes I wish I was that important to him." Sora shook his head. "And other times, I thank the gods I'm not."

He studied the ground intently. "I'm so much further behind than him. It's like we exist on two different levels. I don't want to be so… weird about you guys, I really don't so please, just, don't tone it down for me, okay? I want to see how much you care about him."

Cloud fully turned back around. He stared at Sora for several long moments, considering the teen's outburst. There was so much more revealed by it than Sora likely knew. Cloud spoke precisely. "I love him."

Sora shifted.

"And I know he loves you. He wouldn't have done everything he had if he didn't. There was a time when I was a bit jealous of you because I didn't think he would ever do for me what he did for you. You are his best friend, his brother. You are to him what Leon has recently become to me. We're all a family now. Understand?"

Sora met his eyes and some of the concerns that had been dragging him down were swept away. Blue regarded blue with mutual respect. "Yeah. Thanks, Cloud."

A nod was all that was given.

Sora went back to the house with Cloud's now empty glass feeling a great deal better about a lot of things. Not only was he feeling more secure about being around the couple, his few concerns involving their relationship were quieted down. It might be rough, but he was confident they would all get through things together.

Aerith met him with a small knowing smile. "Everything better?"

"How do you do that?" Sora gaped.

She giggled, reminding him a bit of Kairi. His chest tightened a little and he wondered what the girl was doing right now. "Before you go, would you move the upstairs dresser from my room to Yuffie's? It makes more sense for her to have it."

"Uh, yeah, sure."

--0—0--

After two more hours of labor, Sora was finally dismissed to go clean up. Cloud finished at about the same time and they ended up walking back to the house together. Since dinner would be at Aerith's that night, they were ordered to return in an hour.

Feeling the need to talk because Sora did not particularly like silence, he groaned loudly, twisting his shoulders. "That was way more work than I expected. Remind me to ask 'what' next time someone asks me for help."

Cloud chuckled very lightly.

"How bad was your chore?"

The shrugged dismissively.

"Back to not talking again, huh?" Sora turned a little while still walking. "And I thought we were beginning to really connect."

Cloud raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fine. I see how it is. Unless it's about Riku, you don't wanna talk." Sora pouted but there was no anger behind it. "Okay, did you know Riku likes to sing pop songs when he's doing homework?"

"He does?"

"Yeah, around everyone else he's all into the alternative, hard rock but catch him alone and he'll be singing some boy band or whatever."

Cloud smiled at him. "He's going to kill you for telling me that."

"Hey, that's what brothers are for; to torture you by telling embarrassing stuff to your boyfriend." Sora grinned, lacing his fingers together behind his head. "Wanna know more?"

"Definitely."

--0—0—

By the time they reached the house, Cloud was fully smiling and even laughing at points. Sora knew he was so dead once Riku found out about this but he did not care. He and Cloud had bonded now and he felt infinitely better.

They were only slightly surprised to find no one home. Obviously, Leon would still be working because the man simply did not know how not to. Riku might have even gone with him. If not, there were plenty of things he could be doing.

At least that was what Sora convinced himself. He told Cloud to shower first and after the man disappeared into the bathroom. Sora sat on the couch and allowed a small worried frown to cross his face. He immediately got up again and poked his head into Cloud's room. Reassured by the sight of Riku's open, disheveled bag, he returned to the couch.

Maybe he just went for a walk. Riku was known for wandering off to think, not that Sora wanted Riku going off to think on his own. The memory of finding Riku huddled in his room still chilled him to the core and pained his heart. He never wanted to experience anything like that again.

But that time, Sora had felt something was happening. He had known Riku was in trouble. He did not feel anything now and that was greatly comforting. Riku would be back soon.

"Shower's free," Cloud called down the hall.

Sora stood and walked back over. He passed Cloud who was in the bathroom doorway to get some clothes from his bag. When he came back out of Leon's bedroom, Cloud was still standing there in his towel. The man met Sora's eyes for a moment and the teen knew Cloud was aware something significant was about to happen. The swordsman's tone was firm. "I won't leave him."

Sora only nodded before Cloud moved away and the brunet headed into the shower.

Feeling much better, Sora left the bathroom and after dumping his dirty clothes went to the kitchen. Leon had come home and Sora could just hear that he and Cloud were quietly discussing something. Sora slowed his approach, hoping to catch a little of what they were saying.

"I'm really worried about him. It's like he's just waiting for it all to end." Sora had never heard that much emotion in Cloud's voice.

"I don't know what he's got to say but you know how Riku is. How long did he avoid you during the Ansem body mess?"

"I know. It's just… something about this time feels different."

"He'll talk when he's ready."

There was a break in the conversation and Sora decided it was time to make his appearance. "Hey, Leon."

He got a head bob as Leon took a final swig of his water and tossed the bottle away. "I ran into Riku on the way here. He's meeting us at Aerith's. You two ready?"

"Let's go."

--0—0—

The three walked quietly back to where two of them had spent most of the day. Cid was smoking outside and beside him was Riku, taking a drag off his own cigarette. The second the older teen saw Sora, the cigarette dropped. "Shit."

"Busted." Cid smirked.

Sora folded his arms angrily. Before he could say anything, however, Riku was trying to appease him. "Look, Sora that was the only one. I swear! I just lit it, too."

"Uh huh."

"I mean it!" He tapped Cid's arm. "Tell him, Cid."

"Hey, it's your fuckin' life. You deal with it." The eldest of the group stamped out his butt in the door side tray and entered the house.

Riku's eyes begged for forgiveness and Sora held out as long as he could before caving. But he would have the last word. "Well, now I don't feel so bad for telling Cloud all that stuff about you."

A panicked look crossed Riku's face. "What stuff?"

"Oh, nothing important." Sora answered airily as he passed him on the stoop. "Is the food done? I'm starving."

Riku turned on Cloud. "What did he say cause whatever it is, it's not true."

Cloud stepped up to wrap his arms around Riku's waist. "It was nothing important, just like he said."

Riku clearly did not believe him. Cloud grinned and pulled Riku closer for a kiss. "Come on, after dinner you can sing Sexy Back for us."

Leon snorted as Riku looked confused for a second. Understanding kicked in and glaring, he bolted away from Cloud. "Sora! I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

An eep was heard followed by the sound of someone running out the back.

Leon held out a fist to Cloud as he came up the step, which Cloud tapped. "Good one."

Ten minutes later, everyone was seated, Sora and Riku both rather disheveled and a bit bruised, and eating. There was light conversation, again carried mostly by Yuffie but the tension from earlier conversations worked its way beneath the talking. It was as if now that it had been acknowledged by four of the people present, the unease refused to be ignored.

Not long after finishing, the group broke up and Leon, Sora, Cloud and Riku returned to their home. Leon and Sora took the lead as Cloud and Riku followed. They were barely out the door when Cloud took Riku's hand and it did not look like he was letting go of it any time soon. The air was still and it was like the world itself was waiting for something.

At the house, Leon and Sora where up the front steps, Leon opening the door as Cloud made his first step upon them. It was then that Riku softly told everyone to wait. Two curious faces and one concerned one turned to him and he swallowed. He stared down at the ground as he quietly spoke. "I need to tell you guys something."


	7. Chapter 7

Re-written Feb 28, 2009

* * *

Sora frowned at Riku with undisguised concern. Cloud's jaw tensed, his eyes flicking off to the side and away from his lover. Leon simply nodded and when into the house. Sora reluctantly followed a moment later, keeping his gaze on Riku until he disappeared through the door. Cloud and Riku remained where they were, hands still clasped.

Neither said a word.

Cloud tightened his grip for only a brief second. When he looked up, Riku met his eyes squarely and the fear was painfully clear. So was the determination. This was so typical Riku that Cloud was able to take a little comfort from it. Whatever this was about, Riku was still his Riku.

In silence, they walked inside. Leon was leaning against the kitchen partition, waiting patiently in his usual stance; Sora was fidgeting in the corner chair. Both looked over at the two coming through the door.

Cloud sat on the couch first, adopting a casual position despite that there was a very prominent terseness to it. He kept his expression bland but the tight lines near his eyes betrayed it.

Sora studied him a moment, then focused on Riku. His best friend was as terrified as he had ever seen him. Of course, he gave virtually no visible sign of I, doing a better job than Cloud, which Sora reluctantly had to admit he was impressed by.

Suddenly, Sora stood. "Riku, I need to speak to you."

"Later, Sora."

"No, _now._" Sora ordered firmly. Riku stared at him before reluctantly nodded. He said nothing and followed Sora back out the front door.

Sora wasted no time, speaking the moment the door shut behind them. "Are you sure about this, Riku?"

"Yes." Riku was looking down the street.

"Look me in the eyes, Riku." The brunette demanded. "Then I'll know you're telling me the truth."

It took a minute but Riku locked gazes with him. "I have to do this now."

An unspoken agreement passed and Riku abruptly gripped the smaller one tightly, shaking a little. He did not have to say anything for Sora to understand, Sora simply tightened his own arms around him for a brief moment. He poured as much support and love as he could into it.

Still silent, they went back inside. The two older men were in the exact same positions with the exact same attitudes. Sora gave Riku a quick smile of assurance and resumed his original place.

Riku seemed to think something over before returning to the couch. He sat on the edge of the cushion, about a foot from Cloud, back rigid with both hands on his knees. He closed his eyes and took a slow, even breath. "Not that I really need to say this, but don't interrupt me as I explain. When I'm finished, I'll try to answer anything you want but if I don't do this all in one shot, I don't think I'll be able to finish."

This was met with three nods he did not see. It did not matter; he already knew this would be the gesture.

"All right, all of you already know about my mother and how I've always known she hated me. People have always told me that it was all in my head and that I only thought that because we didn't get along, whatever. Well, I can now say with complete certainty that she doesn't hate me, she simply doesn't care anything about me.

"She didn't have me because she wanted a child or a family. She had me so she and her boss could prove a theory. I was never a child or even a real person to her. Once she realized that her career, her life was virtually over once I was in the picture, she came to resent me. Only her morbid need for knowledge kept her playing the role of mother."

Riku paused. He knew the others were watching him closely and he could not bring himself to look at them. He could not see their faces as he continued. It was hard enough to block out the subtle changes in emotions he could sense.

"There's a reason I was, am, so susceptible to the darkness. Why it came so easy to me and why I can wield it like I can. I guess you could say it runs in my blood.

"I'm not a normal person, if I can even really be considered human. I don't know exactly what I am. That's one of the questions I've been wrestling with my entire life. Who am I? Where am I going? Where do I come from? Why do I feel so different? I now have answers to some of these questions and I wish to whatever gods there are that I didn't."

Stopping to gather his courage, he did not think about what he was about to say. He simply let the words spill off his tongue as they would. "I wasn't born on Destiny Islands, I was brought there shortly after birth. My mother was a researcher who volunteered herself to the scientist she worked for to further an experiment of his."

He continued to stare at his hands. He could not look up, could not look at him. He just _could not_. "I'm the final stage of the Jenova Project."

Total silence reigned as the sentence hung in the air, clinging itself to those who had heard it. Sora should have been watching Cloud, gauging his reaction but found all of his attention on Riku. Riku's withdrawn expression paired with the immense pain and fear made his heart clench.

"What are you saying, Riku?" Cloud's voice was barely heard. Nothing of his physical appearance had changed.

Riku bit his lip. _Just get it said, Riku. You can do this._ "I'm Sephiroth's half-brother."

Time seemed to have completely frozen. The moment stretched into an unfathomable amount of time, waiting for something to occur.

Cloud stood and walked out.

A single, soft sob escaped Riku.

This was it. Two years of support, devotion, love destroyed by one simple sentence. He knew Cloud would not be able to simply look over something like this. How could he even consider it? Riku was part of what his lover despised more than anything; his hated enemy's blood also ran in Riku's. There was no way that could ever be okay.

"He'll be back," Leon spoke firmly, his expression absolutely certain.

Riku finally raised his head. There were no tears but it was a near thing. He said nothing but the disbelief was completely evident his face.

"Don't think so little of him, Riku."

"I don't."

"You do," Leon corrected. "You've known about this for some time, right?"

Silver hair slowly moved as Riku made an affirmative motion.

"He'll make peace with what you told him eventually. It's the fact that you've kept it hidden is where you're going to run into the most trouble. You know how important trust is to Cloud."

"Yeah."

Leon waited a moment. His eyes narrowed in thought, briefly flicking toward Sora before fixing again on Riku. "Now, explain all of this because Cloud has never gone into any detail and the little Aerith, Yuffie, and Cid have explained was confusing as all hell."

"I only know what Sephiroth told me and I know he was telling the truth because King Mickey was able to verify most of it," Riku carefully explained. His voice remained tight. "Did Cloud ever explain what Sephiroth was?"

"Outside of being his darkness, which I still say is total bull, he said something about being created to be some kind of perfect being and injected with alien cells or something before he was born. Even he seemed a bit confused as to the actual details."

"Yeah, it is confusing. Sephiroth isn't even completely certain about everything but this is what he told me. The story goes, back on their world some two thousand years ago an extraterrestrial being fell upon the Planet. She was a destroyer of worlds and the Planet was next. There were a group of people called the Cetra who had a symbiotic relationship with the Planet and they managed to stop her, sealing her away in the Great Crater where she fell.

"In the process, the Cetra became virtually extinct due to her and the story forgotten. After Shinra came to power, the remains of Jenova were discovered and she was mistaken for one to the lost Cetrans. Professors Gast, Hojo and a few others began experimenting with the cells and soon decided to artificially bring back the Cetra.

"However, every initial attempt they made failed. The cells and the person injected with them would die. They then tried to infuse a child before birth. Another scientist, Hojo's assistant, agreed to carry and give birth to the child. The baby was eventually born healthy and named Sephiroth.

"While this was happening, Gast began to devil deeper into the history of the Cetra. It turned out they weren't nearly as dead as everyone thought and he found out who Jenova really was from one of the last true Cetra. Once he had this information he tried and failed to convince Shinra to cease their efforts. He left the project then and no one is exactly sure what happened to him. Hojo took over the Science Department and continued his experiments despite knowing what Jenova truly was."

Riku took a breath. "Any way, that's how Sephiroth came to be. He was raised in the labs, had superior abilities, learned at an incredible speed, was literally the perfect specimen. Shinra was very happy with their little project and Hojo continued to tweak Sephiroth, increasing his Mako levels as he got older and shaping him into the ultimate warrior.

"Over the years, several minor flaws were discovered and corrected. When Sephiroth was sixteen, Hojo decided that he had learned enough to make an even better version of him. He also decided that it would be a good time to verify a side theory had been formed during the initial stages of the project. It was believed that Jenova's cells, in order to remain stable needed to remain close. Jenova cells would always find a way to reunite."

"And that's why you were born." Leon concluded.

"Yes. I was created the exact same way Sephiroth was. We have the same paternity but different mothers and after I was born, my mother and I were taken from the Planet and brought to Destiny Islands. I was to be told nothing and they waited to see if I would find my way back or not.

"That's why I felt so driven to leave. It was the Jenova cells trying to find their way back, trying to complete Reunion." Riku finished.

Leon was silent, mulling over the narration. His thoughts were not revealed until he shook his head. "Wow. That was… insane. To think I thought I had it rough."

"What is your story?" Sora asked curiously. Leon's past was always something he was curious about.

Leon did not even acknowledge Sora's question. "So you and Sephiroth have spoken at length about this?"

Riku nodded, flicking his bangs a bit. "I know I should have told Cloud but, you can see why I couldn't, can't you?"

Leon shrugged. "Does Sephiroth know about Cloud?"

"Yeah," answered Riku. He then stared at the floor. "Kinda."

"Kinda?" Sora gaped as Leon muttered, "That would be a no."

"Kinda?" Sora repeated. He glared at Riku with his arms folded before him. "What the hell other secrets are you hiding, Riku? Huh?"

Leon raised an eyebrow. This was the first time he had ever heard the Keyblade master even mildly swear. He kept quiet and observed the teens before him.

Riku remained silent.

"I can't believe you sometimes, Riku." Sora pouted angrily. He threw his arms down and stomped away from his chair. After everything I've done for you, you still don't trust me! What do I have to do, huh? Are you that caught up in yourself that you just subconsciously try to ruin any relationship you have?

"Well, I'll tell you right now I'm not going anywhere so you better just get used to it!" Sora threw open the door. "You deserve all the love you have, Riku. You better realize that fast."

He stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Riku actually flinched. Another minute and he dropped his head into his hands. "Great job, Riku. Way to lose both your loved ones."

"You haven't lost them." Leon countered.

"Well, Sora will probably come around but Cloud-" His voice caught. "I've lost him, I know it."

Suddenly, Riku was lifted to his feet by the front of his shirt. He was jerked forward and steel colored eyes bore harshly into his. There were no words spoken but Riku understood perfectly what Leon was not saying. If he continued wallowing in this self-pitying angst, Leon would personally put an end to it.

He focused inside himself and sought out that center of peace he kept close to his heart. While his conscience sounded like Sora, his inner calm felt like Cloud. He knew his bonds to both of them were tighter than anything. The very thought of losing either brought him nearly unbearable anguish.

He sighed after a moment and Leon let him go.

"Better?"

"No." Riku chuckled without humor. "I need a cigarette."

"Can't help you there."

"Yeah. Besides Sora really would kill me if he found out."

Leon went over to the fridge and rattled around in it for a second before reemerging with a beer bottle. "Here. Try a drink."

"It's gonna take more than a drink." Riku opened the bottle and took a long draw from it. Nearly half the bottle was consumed by it. Leon did not comment, only watching as Riku downed the rest of the beer.

Setting the empty bottle on the end table, the younger male perched himself on the couch's arm rest and looked at Leon seriously. "You really think Cloud will come back?"

"Did he take First Tsurugi?"

"No."

"Then he'll be back." Leon barely cracked a smile. "He doesn't go anywhere without his sword."

Riku snorted, not really able to appreciate the attempt at humor.

"In all seriousness, once he straightens things out in his own mind he'll be back and the two of you will have a very long talk. After that, well, that's up to the two of you."

Riku curled a lip. "You realize you're a totally different person when it comes to Cloud."

"No I'm not. I'm more myself." Leon corrected. "Cloud's become a very close friend and I protect my friends with everything I've got. I don't like conflict. Now I suggest you square things with Sora before Cloud returns."

"Sora will be okay."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Leon dropped his arms and moved away from the wall divider. "Go find him and talk to him tonight. I'm going to bed."

Riku watched the man leave a slight frown on his face. What had Leon meant by that? He knew he was referring to something beyond tonight's discussion. He had not done anything to Sora, at least not recently, and they had taken care of the past. What was there to settle with the brunet?

Knowing Leon there had to be something important he was missing. Leon never wasted words. Deciding that if nothing else it would keep him distracted from spiraling into a total meltdown worrying about Cloud, Riku stepped out to find Sora.

He was not surprised to find the younger teen sitting on top of the bailey, feet hanging over the side and gazing up at the stars. Riku found himself simply studying him for a few minutes. His feelings for the boy were complicated and probably always would be. He had tried sorting through them several times, sometimes by himself and a few times with Jacen but never really made any headway with it.

The one thing he knew for absolute certain was that he loved Sora more than nearly anything. He would easily continue to give up everything for Sora if he had to. They were closer than brothers. He was not in love with Sora nor was he ever.

"And I thought I picked remote places to brood."

Sora took a second to glance over before turning his face to the sky again. He said nothing.

Riku walked over and sat beside him. They remained there side by side for a long span of time in an uneasy quiet. Riku was uncertain what he could do to bring his friend back to his usual state. "Sora, I-"

Sora cut him off with a waved hand and he blew out a heavy breath. "I know, Riku. You're just being you. I don't really know why it's been bothering me so much lately."

Sora fell silent again. Riku did not have any response so he just waited for Sora to continue if he did. Now that he thought about it, there had been an underlying tension to Sora for a while now. Riku had been too caught up in his own drama to see it.

"I think maybe I'm a little jealous."

"Jealous?" Riku echoed.

"Yeah." Sora turned his face down, now looking at the castle. "But I don't know of what exactly. Leon said something…"

He trailed off with a shake of his head. He then suddenly faced Riku. "I'm sorry, Riku. Here you are facing this horrible thing and I'm not being a very supportive friend."

"What are you talking about? It's because of you I'm even here. I owe my life to you."

The sentence hung between them, the true depth of the words understood. It did not need to be furthered.

"I've thought about it, too," whispered Sora. "Just, ending it all. Being done with everything. I know I've saved a lot of people and done a lot of good but when I see you and how much pain you have and your struggling, I just get so mad at myself. What good is saving the worlds when I can't even help the one I love most?"

"Sora," Riku began slowly. He had never thought he would hear anything like this from Sora. "You have helped me more than you can possibly imagine. I'm sorry I haven't been able to properly tell you how important you are. I guess I always just kind of hoped you understood."

The brunette studied his swinging feet. A thoughtful look was on his face and when he looked again to Riku, there was something different in his eyes. Almost as if steeling himself for the worst, he leaned toward Riku.

Then he kissed him.

It was just a light touching of lips for a few seconds. When Sora pulled away, Riku only watched him curiously and waited for Sora to explain. That had been unexpected.

Sora's eyes were closed, clearly mulling over something. When they opened, there was a hint of sadness in those blues, and the soft smile he gave was bittersweet. He also seemed to have come to some kind of peace with himself.

Suddenly, Riku understood everything. Sora was struggling with what he himself had a few years ago. In the end, he had decided that while he loved Sora, he was not in love with him. What would Sora's revelation be?

"You really love him."

Riku knew who Sora meant. "Yeah, I do."

The brunet nodded slowly. "And you love me, don't you?"

"Yes, but it's not the same."

"I love you." Sora's voice was firm. "But you're right. It's not romantic."

They sat once again in silence but without the earlier tension. Now that the weirdness was out in the open, both felt considerably better. Somehow they knew their relationship would be even stronger now.

"It's gonna be okay, Riku."

"That's what I keep trying to tell myself."

"Cloud will forgive you. I feel it in my heart," Sora said with absolute certainly. "Besides, I saw how he looked at you when we first got here. There's no way anyone can simply stop a love that strong."

Riku's lower lip twitched. "I hope that's true, Sora but, Cloud's heart is fragile. He's still healing from deep wounds made years ago. It's no small miracle that we've made it as far as we have."

"So Cloud's damaged. So are you, so am I, so is Leon, all of us are damaged somehow. We deal with it and heal." Sora grinned viciously. "And if he ever hurts you, he'll answer to me."

Riku chuckled. "Worlds help him."

"It's true the other way, too. Cloud's my friend and I won't let him get hurt either."

Riku met Sora's eyes and nodded. "I understand."

"Good." Sora looked happy. He stood and held out a hand. "So, let's go break into Scrooge's and get some ice cream."

Riku stared in shock for a second before taking the smaller boy's hand. As he was pulled up, he grinned. "I think I'm a bad influence."

"Nah, me and Yuffie were doing it almost from the first day."

They walked from the roof edge toward the interior where they could climb back down.

"Hey, Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"It was kinda nice kissing you." Riku quietly admitted.

"Would have been better if you'd kissed back but I guess that would have been cheating."

"Just a little." They dropped down to the lower level. "So have you figured out what to do about Kairi?"

"I knew that was coming," Sora groaned. "No, though I think I really do like her in that way."

"Maybe you should try kissing her when we get back," Riku commented. "It worked to clear things with me."

"Yeah." Sora rubbed the back of his head. "Maybe I should."

Taking the steps two at a time, Sora bounded ahead of Riku. He then had to stop at the bottom and wait. While Riku appeared more relaxed than before, he knew his best friend was still trembling in fear inside. There was nothing he could do about that which pained him. The best he could do was distract Riku until Cloud returned.

However long that was.

Riku joined him and Sora grabbed his arm. "Come on! You gotta try this cookie dough one."

The pair took off running through the dark streets.


	8. Chapter 8

Rewritten March 31.

* * *

Cloud did not return that night.

Riku had refused to go to bed and spent the rest of the night simply sitting on the couch, staring ahead of him. Sora stayed with him for a few hours but after the fifth nodding off, Riku physically forced him to bed. Then he returned to his spot.

His mind was blank and his heart numb. He could not think of anything even if he wanted to. He appreciated Sora's efforts, the ice cream robbery had been fun, and having him sit there with him was comforting for a while but he deserved to be alone.

He really was a horrible person. All he brought was pain to those close to him and it was always by his own doing. Why he was unable to simply do things like a normal person he could not figure out.

_Maybe it's because you're not a normal person._

That damned voice again. She always tried to call to him about this time. Most of the time, pushing her away was easy.

_My dear child, do not let yourself suffer over that traitor. He has only given us pain._

"No," Riku muttered. "He has only loved me; I give the pain. Now leave me."

_If you wish but Mother will always be here for her children, even those who have gone astray._

Great. Did he take his pills today? Oh who the hell cared? They were not really helping anyway. He fell back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. He really was better off alone.

"You should try to get some sleep."

"Not tired."

Leon sighed, heading for the kitchen. He got some water and turned back to Riku. After opening the bottle he wiped the condensation on his baggy sleep pants. "Don't do this to yourself, Riku. You want to be alert when he returns."

"I'm still not convinced he is and don't bother telling me he is, I won't believe it."

Leon shook his head. If Riku kept up this wallowing in self-apathy, he did not have a chance of smoothing things over with Cloud. Maybe Sora could do something; he had a feeling he would be dealing with Cloud whenever the man chose to return. He only hoped it was not too long.

Looking at Riku's blank stare and monotone voice, he frowned further. Riku would not last.

--0—0--

Riku was still there when Leon came back out in the early morning. He did not bother talking to him, simply fixing coffee and breakfast. He already knew the teen had not slept at all.

Once the morning tasks were completed, he picked up his jacket. "Don't spend all day brooding around here. Have Sora take you skateboarding or something."

He glanced over to see that Riku had not moved; did not even seem to have heard him. This was not good at all but he was not up to trying to fix it now. He walked back down the hall, poking his head back into his bedroom. "Sora."

The spiky haired brunette mumbled something, turning his head away from the noise.

"Sora, get Riku out of here today, got it? There's some munny on the dresser."

"Huh?" The sixteen-year-old lifted his head and blinked sleepily. "Did Riku sleep at all?"

"No."

Sora groaned and flopped onto his back. "Cloud better get back here fast."

"I totally agree."

Leon left and Sora managed to pull himself from the comfort of the blankets. His friend needed him and he would be damned if he allowed anything to happen to Riku. If that meant losing sleep, so be it. He padded out to the living room and paused before actually entering.

Upon seeing Riku, he sighed heavily and continued to the couch where he promptly slapped Riku's leg… hard. "What do you want to eat?"

"OW! Damnit, Sora."

"I said, what do you want to eat?" Sora repeated turning for the kitchen.

"Nothing."

"So French toast it is."

"Sora, I really-"

"I don't really care." Sora interrupted smoothly. "Now take your meds and get your butt in the shower. You better be back out here dressed and ready to eat by the time I'm finished or so help me I will Keyblade your ass."

Riku stared at his best friend. Sora looked perfectly content rummaging through the kitchen, gathering items for breakfast like it was any other normal day. He felt his temper flare up and suddenly he was on his feet. "Who the hell put you in charge? I'll do what I damn well like!"

"Which means sit here in the dark and feel sorry for yourself." Sora glared at him. "The Worlds aren't going to end over this, Riku. You haven't even talked to him! You have no idea what he's gonna say or do so stop brooding over what might happen!"

Riku kicked the end table. What he really wanted to do was send a Dark Aura right into Sora's head. "You have no idea what this feels like, Sora! None!"

He abruptly dropped to the floor, head in his hands and started slowly rocking. "I can't… I just can't… Any of this, it's just too much."

He was quickly surrounded by slightly smaller arms and being cradled to a warm chest. Working desperately to keep from crying, he took in as much comfort from it as he could. He knew Sora was right; it was too early to be completely falling apart like this.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Sora." He managed to stutter out. "I'm just such a mess."

"It's okay." Sora hushed him, still holding on. "It's gonna be all right. You just need to believe."

The pair stayed on the floor like that for a few minutes more, simply holding and being held. Riku slowly regained control and eventually pulled away. When he did, Sora released him and stood. "Now, I'm making breakfast. Get ready and then we'll decide what we're gonna do today."

Riku nodded a little before getting to his feet. He shuffled to the bedroom and paused. He placed a hand to the door and took a deep breath. It was just a room. He could go in, get his stuff and leave. No big deal.

He darted in, vowing not to look at anything. He went straight to his bag, grabbed his meds and some clothes and practically ran out. The door quietly shut behind him and he closed his eyes, falling against it. That was not so bad.

With supreme effort, he moved on to his next task. The shower should not be nearly as difficult. Yes, everything in that house reminded him of Cloud but a shower was a shower. Some things had a decidedly deeper meaning and he doubted the shower would be one of those.

He got in the room, turned on the water then proceeded to strip down. And there lying innocently on the floor behind the door was the shirt Cloud had been wearing the day they arrived. Without conscious thought, Riku slowly picked it up, holding it as one would a sacred item. He brought it to his face and it _smelled_ like Cloud.

Sensations began flooding through him and he tried desperately to stop them. No matter what he did, however, they just kept coming. The flutter he felt in his chest when Cloud gave him one of those rare smiles, the way his laugh simply filled the area with light, how he could make Riku shiver just by brushing his ear, the total sense of completion when they were joined in the height of passion.

_Please, Cloud, don't leave me alone in the dark._

--0—0--

Sora went about his kitchen tasks methodically, his mind working overtime. Riku had been right about one thing, this was way beyond Sora's experience. He had no idea what he was doing, completely winging it with no way to tell if he was doing Riku any good or not.

He truly believed that faith, trust and love were all it took to bring someone around. However, he had learned that those things had to come from within as well as without. That was why he could not help Riku like he wanted. He could give everything he had to the older boy and Riku would take it all but he simply could not hold onto it. Somewhere along the way, Riku had set it within himself that he did not deserve the love he received.

Sora could not even begin to fathom the psychology of it all. Riku was always a bit of a mystery to him and since the darkness had become even more so. It was made all the more confusing because while Riku was more open with himself than he ever had been, it always seemed he revealed less.

He really did not want to admit it even to himself but there was the very real possibility that Cloud would not stay with Riku. Sora did not know all the details but Cloud had suffered horribly due to Sephiroth. The man had made it his life's mission to torment the blond and there was no way to tell how much had been Sephiroth and what had been Jenova induced.

Sora sighed to himself as he mixed eggs and milk. He was sighing a lot lately. Riku's darkness was definitely getting to him and he was anxious for this to be settled one way or the other.

When Riku silently emerged, hair dripping onto his shoulders, he gave Sora a very weak grin.

"Feel better?"

"No." The silvered one sat at the table, popping the cap off of his meds. He downed a few pills, swallowing them without water and grimaced a bit. "You know you take too much medicine when you can swallow them alone."

Sora made a non-committal noise. He began cooking the toast and Riku quietly watched him. Once finished, Sora turned off the heat and brought a plate to Riku along with powder sugar. He set them before his friend before getting syrup for himself and sitting across from the other.

They ate almost mechanically and then cleaned up in much the same mode. Riku did the dishes as Sora wiped down the counter and put away the extras. "What are we doing today?"

Sora blinked. He tossed a look over his shoulder. "Well, uh, what do you want to do?"

Riku shrugged. "All I know is I don't want to see anyone."

"Okay." Sora thought a minute. That was to be expected but it did narrow down the options considerably.

Riku's phone rang suddenly and he instantly grabbed for it, a hopeful look on his face. It immediately disappeared and when he saw the display, he handed it over to Sora. "Cid."

Sora frowned but took the call. "Hey, Cid. Yeah. Did he? Um, okay, I'll try. Okay! I got it."

He closed the phone and handed it back to Riku. "Cid says we have to go to the garage."

"Fine."

Sora stared at him. Didn't he just say he did not want to be around people?

"I meant the girls." Riku explained as if he knew exactly what Sora had been thinking. "Cid's alright."

They finished their tasks and Sora quickly got dressed. He carried his oversized shoes out to the living room, sitting on the floor to pull them on. Riku waited near the door, picking at a fingernail.

It was a silent walk to the gummi garage. A few townspeople said hello which Sora acknowledged for the both of them. Riku just seemed to be moving on auto-pilot.

When they entered the garage Cid did not even look up. "Took ya long enough. Both of you bring that generator over here."

They did as bidden, cursing under their breath as they dragged the heavy machine over. Cid hooked it up to something of another and switched it on. "Now while that's charging, both of ya're gonna come over here and help scrape off the rust from that heap Spiky found."

Riku's lip twitched but he followed obediently along with Sora. They were each given a brillo pad and set to work. Cid went to his workbench and settled into his beat up rolling chair. He pulled out a cigarette and watched them for a few minutes. "So the psychopath isn't so psycho any more, huh?"

"What?" Sora stopped to look at Cid in confusion.

Apparently Riku understood because he did not bother to stop as he answered. "He's managed to contain Jenova."

"Humph. Don't necessarily make him one of the good guys." The middle aged blonde took a slow drag. "Cloud always insisted that Sephiroth wasn't always insane; use to be a pretty stand up guy. I heard all the stories 'bout him but they never added up to what I saw. He put the kid through hell and then some, the fuckin' freak."

"Cloud was the only one who could stop him," Riku said slowly.

"That's what I've heard. Makes me wonder just what's so special bout the kid."

"Everything." Riku's statement could barely be heard.

A single bark of laughter came from Cid. He turned to his workbench and began routing around for something. "Leon's volunteered the two of you to me for the rest of the day. Said you needed something mind numbing to do so I'm gonna make you work on our water supply issues. That'll fry your brains good for a while."

"I'm no good with any of that technical stuff." Sora protested.

"That's why you're staying there. After what Riku was able to do with that damned town defense mechanism, he should have this figured out no sweat."

"Wait, that was you?" Sora stared at Riku in disbelief.

The older teen shrugged. "I helped."

"Ya did more than that now get your girly ass over here."

--0—0--

Sometime around mid-day, Aerith came in with lunch for all three of them. Leon must have told her they would be there. She set the basket down on the end of the worktable with a smile. "How are things going?"

Cid grunted, watching Riku sketch out various schematics ideas. Said silver haired teen did not respond. Sora, on the other hand, threw down his rust covered steel wool. "Ya know, I didn't come here to be everyone's manual labor."

"But we appreciate everything you do for us, Sora." Aerith almost giggled. "You're such a good protector."

"Yeah, well." He trailed off and turned back to the heap he had been working on. "What are you guys gonna do with this thing anyway?"

"Cloud found it. He asked Cid to fix it during his spare time."

"Like I have that."

Aerith ignored Cid's complaint. "I don't know what he plans to do with it."

"Doesn't he already have a gummi?" Sora tilted his head.

"Yes."

"Hmm. Whatever."

"Dinner will be at our place again." She turned. As she did, she placed a hand on Riku's upper back. He tensed a bit but quickly relaxed. "Be there at seven, okay?"

Cid waved her off. "Yeah, we all know the drill."

"Of course." Then she left.

They broke for lunch, Sora wolfing down his food then watching Riku to make sure he finished his. Cid studied them with a detached eye as he drank his tea. The gruff man really was a softie at heart and he worried about all those around him.

Riku was clearly not interested in eating but doing it only because of Sora. After ten minutes, he had barely finished his rice ball. "Sheesh, kid. Shera would have that shoved down your throat by now."

"Who's Shera?" Sora asked.

"My wife."

"You're _what_?" Sora gaped. "You're married?"

"Yeah, well, I still say I am." Cid started another cigarette. "She was lost in the world shift."

"Oh." Sora's expression became downcast. "I'm sorry."

"Whadaya sorry for? You didn't bring the Heartless to our world. Hell, that's one of the few things we can't even blame the Shinra or Sephiroth for."

Sora's mouth tightened but he did not say anything further. Instead, he looked again to Riku. "Are you done yet?"

"I'm working on it. I told you I'm not hungry."

"Whatever."

"That's Leon's line," Riku spoke automatically. It was the closest thing to a joke from him all day.

"Well, we are kinda living with the guy," the younger teen retorted lightly, hoping that Riku would say something back. When he did not respond, Sora sighed and went back to his assigned job.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly, with Cid occasionally cursing under his breath. He asked a few questions and Riku answered them with as few of words as necessary. By the time dinner rolled around, Riku had the entire water filtration system worked out. "Damn, kid. We're fuckin' going to the bar after dinner and celebrating. This is fuckin' brilliant."

"We're not old enough to-" Sora started.

"We know the owner." Cid waved him off. "Riku's been there before."

"Oh." Sora frowned a bit. He really did not like the idea of Riku drinking and giving the state his friend was already in, a drunk Riku could be a very bad thing.

"Come on." Cid got up and began shutting down things for the night. "You gotta clean up before dinner."

Sora looked himself over. He was in fact covered in reddish brown grime. "Yeah. I'm gonna go on ahead."

"I'll help Cid close up." Riku volunteered. "We'll see you at the house."

"Okay." He nodded and ran out. Maybe if he was lucky he would find… Yes, there was Leon walking about half a block ahead.

He ran toward the man, lightly panting when he caught up. "Hey, Leon."

The sable-haired man glanced over. "Where's Riku? And what is all over you?"

"Rust; Riku's still with Cid. Look, I've got a favor to ask."

Leon raised an eyebrow.

"Cid's taking Riku to the bar later and well, it bothers me a little. Riku tends to drink a lot at a time and well, he's not in the greatest state of mind already…"

"So why don't you go with?"

"Huh?"

Leon laughed. "They didn't tell you who owns the bar, did they?"

"Uh, no."

"Tifa."

"I didn't know she was here."

"She's not but her staff knows us and Riku's been going there since he was barely sixteen. They'll take care of him."

"Oh. Well, then I guess it's okay…"

"We'll both go with, all right?" Leon asked without really asking. "Worlds know I could use a few drinks."

Sora had barely so much as touched an alcoholic drink in his life but if it meant he could keep an eye on Riku and no one here cared about age limits... "Uh, sure."

Leon merely smirked at him. The pair arrived at the house and quickly cleaned themselves up. Sora showered and changed, Leon waiting for him after he switched shirts for a clean one.

When they returned to the other house, Sora chose to say nothing about the cigarette in Riku's hand. Instead, he rubbed the back of his head and informed the two on the porch that he and Leon would be going with them later. He still was uncertain about this.

Riku quirked an eyebrow but Cid grinned nearly manically. He took a quick glance at Riku. "The kid ever drink before?"

"Nothing significant."

"Oh, this will be fun."

"We're not getting Sora drunk," Leon spoke calmly.

"Sure, I hear ya." Cid was not at all believable and the expressions on both Riku and Leon's faces did nothing to assuage the sudden dread Sora felt. "Let's go eat."

--0—0--

The bar was loud and smoky, both of which Sora had expected, but it was still a bit overwhelming. The man at the door had merely greeted the four with a smile, looking at Sora with some surprise. "Well, if it ain't the Keyblade Master! If the drinks weren't already on the house for you guys, they would be for you."

Sora laughed nervously.

The burly man slapped his back causing Sora to lurch forward a bit. "We owe you everything, kid. Anything you want, just ask for Hunk here. I'll take care of you."

"Uh, thanks."

"Come on, Sora." Riku waved him forward. The two older men were already speaking to the lady behind the bar. She handed them each a beer and when Riku and Sora reached her, she gave one to Riku. "Hey, handsome."

"Hey, Faye."

The black-haired woman flicked some of her short hair back. Sora tried not to stare at her rather prominately revealed chest without much success. Sure, he had been around good looking females but this woman practically oozed sex. And the wide open short yellow top was not helping matters.

"So, who's your friend?"

"Sora, Faye. Faye, Sora." Riku quickly introduced.

"So, this is our little hero." Faye winked at the spiky brunet. "I've got something special for you, darlin'."

Sora gave the other three a concerned look. Riku smiled reassuringly as he took a long draw from his bottle. "Don't worry, Sora. We've got your back."

Faye returned with a tall, narrow glass containing a frothy red and orange liquid. "You boys come from an island so this should be right up your alley."

Very cautiously, Sora took the drink. Now, he was not totally ignorant of alcohol but the very few occasions he had tried it, mostly when forced to at parties with Riku, he found he really did not like the taste of it. Praying he did not make a face and totally embarrass himself, he took a quick sip from the straw.

"Hey, this is really good." He smiled when he realized he could not taste any liquor. Leon must have meant it when he said they were not getting him drunk. "What's this called?"

"Sunset Passion. If you like that one, I've got a whole lot more like it." She was now passing out shots to the others lining the bar.

Nodding, he quickly finished the drink and waited to see what Faye gave him next.

--0—0--

Four frozen drinks later and Sora was feeling a pleasant hum running through him. Riku was on his, third?, shot, second mixed something of another and third beer, at least that was the last count Sora had made. Cid and Leon, well, they were adults so it did not matter. Not that Sora really cared anyway.

"Ooh! I like this song!" He exclaimed loudly, standing up a bit quickly. He wobbled a little before starting to dance in place and sing along. The other three watched him in mild amusement.

"He's gonna kill us tomorrow," Riku commented as Sora moved further away, lost in his own little world. They all knew nothing bad would happen to him. The people respected him too much to let him get into trouble.

"He'll be too hung over tomorrow." Cid countered.

Leon took a swig of his draft. "Had enough yet?"

Riku snorted. "Oh it takes a lot more than this to really get me; Mako and all that. Cloud had always wondered how I was able to keep up with him."

"Yeah, Spiky can certainly put 'em away." Cid agreed. "I once saw him down three full bottles of vodka and only be tipsy."

"When was that?" Leon asked curiously. He had not really seen Cloud drink much in the time he had known him.

"Aw, it was before all of this. He was on having one of his angst fests about Zack."

Riku studied his bottle. "He never really got over Zack, did he?"

"Sure he did," Cid retorted. "He met you."

Riku was silent for a long moment. Before he could let himself get depressed, a small commotion broke out across the bar. Laughter was building and Riku swore he saw Sora's jacket flying about a few heads.

"I think this is our cue to leave," Leon commented softly.

"Yeah." Riku and the others thanked Faye then went to collect the totally plastered sixteen-year-old.


	9. Chapter 9

Rewritten July 1.

* * *

Sora groaned as he turned onto his back. Every little rustle of the sheets echoed inside his head. And why was the light so freaking _bright_? Throwing the blanket over his head, he tried to figure out just why he felt so terrible. He had been fine yesterday...

The blanket flipped back down as Sora stared at the ceiling. Yesterday… He cursed loud enough that any one home would hear. "Damn you all!"

Unfortunately, this caused the ringing in his ears to amplify. "Ugh. I'm gonna kill them."

About a minute later, the door slowly cracked open and Riku's head peered around it. "Uh, morning Sora."

"I despise you."

"Oh, don't be like that." He entered the room, holding a large glass of citrus juice. "Here. This will help."

"I don't want that." Sora pulled the blankets back over his head. "Just let me die in peace."

"You're not going to die, you're just hung over."

"And who's fault is that?"

"Hey, you didn't ask what was in those drinks." Riku countered calmly. "You drank them as fast as Faye made them."

"They didn't taste like alcohol!" Sora protested, wincing at the sound of his voice.

"They're not supposed to." Riku flipped the blankets down and held out the glass. "Now, trust me, this will help. Eating a little toast wouldn't hurt either."

"Ugh, I don't even wanna think about food." Sora very slowly sat up, his head swimming. He carefully took the juice and cautiously drank it down. The last thing he wanted was to start throwing up. He then gave Riku a worried look. "I didn't do anything stupid, did I?"

Riku shrugged. "Outside of rocking Leon's world, not a thing."

Sora's jaw dropped in horror. "Wha- what?"

Riku laughed. Sora's reaction was so worth the beating he knew was coming. "I'm kidding. Your virginity is intact."

Sora flushed. He did not like how Riku said that but was too messed up feeling to do anything about it now. Instead, he turned the conversation around. "Did you sleep last night?"

The circles under Riku's eyes answered the question but he wanted to make Riku admit to it. "No. Leon stayed up with me most of the night. He's dozing on the couch right now."

The brunet gave a brief nod.

"We talked a little." The seventeen year old explained. "Not about anything important... it was nice."

"That's cool."

They sat in silence for a while. "Well, uh, you wanna try some toast?"

"I guess."

Riku stood. "A shower sometimes helps, too. It will at least help your body feel better. I'll make you something to eat while you do it."

"Okay." Sora reluctantly swung his feet over the bed side. "Roxas is pissed."

Riku stared at him. "You can still hear him?"

"Not exactly. It's more like I can feel him here." He pressed a hand to his chest. "He's me but he isn't me. It's hard to explain."

"Oh," Riku turned. "Well, go wake yourself up."

Sora got to his feet. He wobbled a touch but managed to stay completely upright. "Man, I gotta pee."

Riku chuckled. "I'm not surprised."

He left Sora, going back down the hall. Leon was still asleep on the couch, head casually propped on his left arm to which the elbow of rested on the armrest. Riku admired him for a moment before entering the kitchen. Not only was Leon a great looking man, he had an immensely strong heart. He was so totally dedicated to his goals that Riku knew the others worried about him burning himself out.

His past had been a near complete mystery to Riku until last night. As the pair had sat around, simply hanging out, Leon had slowly opened up. He told Riku about Balamb Garden and SeeDs, chuckling when he pointed out that unlike Cloud he had completed his military training. He spoke about Rinoa, whom Riku got the impression he had not really talked about to any one before.

It had been an interesting night and one that made Riku feel better than he had. It had also depressed him further. He was thrilled that Leon felt close enough to him now to begin confiding in him; he felt privileged by it. Conversely, now that they'd reached that point, he was terrified he was going to lose it. If he did not have Cloud, how could he possibly remain friends with these people?

He pulled bread out of the panty, lightly toasting it and putting a thin layer of butter and honey on it. As usual his timing was near perfect. Sora emerged soon after he finished, his damp spikes already trying to stand back up.

"Thanks." He mumbled, taking the toast and leaning against the counter. He glanced over at Leon. "It's probably a good thing he's playing hooky today."

"Yeah, I told Cid he wouldn't be around. He replied with 'bout fucking time he took a day off'"

"Maybe I'll go out and do some stuff, help out a little." Sora mused. "I'm sure I can move rocks at least as well as Cloud can."

He suddenly looked at Riku. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"To what? Talk about him?" Riku shrugged, turning to wipe the counter. "It's fine, Sora. It's not like he stopped existing and I am capable of hearing his name without totally falling apart."

"I know, I just…" Sora trailed off.

Riku's lip curled and he rubbed Sora's soft, damp spikes. "I know, you're just trying to make things easier for me. I appreciate it but don't."

Sora nodded. "You were right about the shower. Now I've just got this throbbing headache."

"Not much can be done about that I'm afraid." Riku tossed the rag in the sink. "You really want to go do some work?"

"Yeah. Leon's been so helpful."

"He has." Riku agreed. "All right, we'll go do some clearing by the castle. Maybe then when he wakes up, he won't feel like he wasted the day away so much."

--0—0--

The hard labor helped keep Riku focused but after a few hours, the two nights without sleep began catching up to him. He kept his movements slow and precise but he knew Sora saw his fatigue. He refused to stop however and it was not until he dropped his fourth rock that Sora finally took charge.

"All right, Riku, we've done enough. Let's get out of here." Sora placed his fists on his slim hips when Riku opened his mouth to protest. "I said we're done."

Riku merely nodded.

Sora wiped his dirty hands on his shorts. "Ugh. Filthy, filthy. I need another shower."

"Hey, Sora?"

He looked up at Riku's odd tone. "Yeah?"

"You ever been to the river?"

"Uh, no." He hadn't even known there was a river until Leon mentioned it the other morning.

"It's fed by the Rising Falls."

Sora remembered those. There was an open courtyard there. That was where Riku had taken the Keyblade from him and left him with a simple wooden sword. Believe it or not, that was the one thing Sora still had difficulty getting over. Not the Keyblade part, but the act of using an object that had always had fond memories for them as an insult.

It was the cruelest thing Riku could have done at that moment.

"Let's go."

"Huh?"

"To the falls. We can walk down along them and you can see where the river starts."

Riku wanted to go to the falls? Sora was not sure he was up to that. He hadn't even actually gone to the castle since the fight with Ansem- Xehanort. But he somehow knew that Riku really wanted to do this. For Riku, he would face any bad memory. "Okay."

They walked around the castle grounds until they reached the falls. Riku did not seem to be paying them any mind as he lead Sora along some of the more stable platforms and to a small break in the wall of water. Sora had never noticed it before but then again, actually looking at the falls had been the absolute last thing on his mind when he had last been here.

"We can get some of this grime off in the water." Riku lead the way through a small labyrinth of tiny streams. Up ahead, there was a blockage of tall rocks. "There's this really nice spot I want to show you."

Sora followed curiously. Riku seemed really excited about where they were going. He was not usually this energized. The younger boy really had no idea what this was about.

"Here we are, just over this ridge." Riku climbed up and disappeared behind the rock.

Sora, feeling a bit show-offy, took a bit of a run and glided over the edge. He smirked at Riku's shake of head, then turned… to see one of the most beautiful views he had ever seen.

There were dozens of small waterfalls surrounding the space with multi-colored stone jutting around. The way the light filtered in caused a rainbow effect in the misting air. Only the sound of running water could be heard. It was as if the outside world had disappeared.

"Whoa." Sora breathed out.

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"How'd you find this?" Sora could hardly believe the scene around them.

"The first few weeks I was here, I explored everywhere I could. Maleficent didn't let me wander too far but I went as far out as I could." Riku went to sit on one of the purple-pink rocks beside the pooling water. He casually began stripping off clothes. "As soon as I found it, I started coming here every chance I could. I just feel so calm here."

Down to his boxers, Riku looked at Sora. "Well, come on. I'm not gonna be the only naked one in here."

"What, oh, ah…"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Sora, how many times have we seen each other naked? Jeez, stop being such a girl. I'm the fag around here."

"Least you don't look like one." Sora muttered. He really did not like his small stature. He felt rather girly, especially compared to Riku with his tall frame and wide shoulders, long legs and lean muscled chest… okay, time to get off that tangent. He gave Riku a mischievous look. "Much."

"Hey! You saying I'm girlish?"

"Well, your face and hair are rather feminine." The younger teen had worked up the courage now to remove his clothes. The second his boxers were off, he was in the water.

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that!" Riku threatened with a laugh, kicking off the last of his clothes and diving in after Sora.

They roughhoused for a good half-hour before calming down. The best friends floated idly in the surprisingly buoyant water, both feeling a great deal more relaxed now. They remained close to one another, just looking at the sky above.

"I'm glad you made me come here, Sora."

"Really?" Sora said skeptically. "Cause you seem pretty miserable most of the time."

"I'm not miserable." Riku countered. "I'm completely petrified and bouncing all over the emotional spectrum but I'm relieved that this is out in the open finally."

"Well, that's good I guess." Sora replied.

"Yeah." A long pause spread between them. "I always wanted to bring Cloud here but never had the chance. I think he'd of liked it."

"He'll love it." Sora up righted himself to study Riku. Although the older teen's body was still loose, tears were in fact running from his eyes. He had never actually seen Riku cry. "Don't worry, Riku. You'll still get to bring him here."

Riku's lips tightened a little and Sora noticed how worn he looked.

"Come on, I've had enough of the water. We should dry out a little before it starts getting cold."

Riku wordlessly followed him out of the natural pool and on to the shore. The pair sat together naked, close enough to the edge for the little waves to touch their feet. Riku kept his head down while Sora gazed up at the evening sky.

After a few minutes, Sora grinned. "Remember the last time we sat like this on a beach?"

"Yeah."

"I really was ready to stay there with you forever." Sora turned his face down and watched the water race up then down. "I still would."

"I know." Riku spoke softly.

They kept a companionable silence. By unspoken consent, they eventually got dressed and headed back for town. There were a few on the street still, greeting them good evening and some making them promise to visit sometime. Sora quickly noticed that Riku seemed to have as many admirers as he did.

"Just how long were you here?" Sora mumbled after Riku's fourth 'good to see you, too'.

"Little over a month. I did a lot of volunteer work while I was here." He chuckled. "Guess I still am."

He looked over at Sora. "But you'll always be their hero."

"I only helped clear out the Heartless and Nobodies." Sora frowned. "What Leon and the others and even you have done is so much more meaningful. Because of you guys, these people have new lives."

"If it hadn't been for you, they wouldn't have any life." Riku spoke sternly. "I think that carries quite a bit of weight to it."

"I guess."

"Hey, where's my little mister sunshine?" Riku nudged him. "You're the cheerful one, I'm supposed to be the emo. You're getting us backwards again."

Sora laughed loudly. He rubbed his head before placing both hands behind it. They again fell quiet as they continued their walk. Once at the house, Riku stifled a yawn which Sora immediately noticed. "Get undressed and meet me on the couch."

"Why?" Riku asked as they walked in the front door.

"Just do it." Sora ordered, shoving Riku ahead and ducking into Leon's room. He quickly threw on pajamas and came back out to find Riku was still standing in the hall, hand on the doorknob. Walking over to him, he placed both hands on the back of the taller one's shoulders. "On the count of three, okay? One, two, three."

Riku actually opened the door and stepped in. He did not look around, simply going directly to his bag, routing through it a moment, and pulling out a pair of worn cotton pants. He then turned and left with Sora right behind him.

He did not realize he had been holding his breath until he released it.

Sora steered him into the bathroom, waited for him to change and then brought him back down the hall. He sat himself on one end of the couch and beckoned Riku to join him. When he did, he went to sit on the other end. "Nught uh. Feet there, head here." He pointed to his lap.

Riku raised an eyebrow.

"You will sleep at least a little tonight."

"Sora-" He was cut off with a simple glare. Sora did not do it often but when he did, well, Riku knew exactly where Roxas had gotten his from.

Without another word, he positioned himself as Sora wanted. "Your leg's bony."

"Shut up. You're so tired I bet you're out in under ten minutes."

"I'll take that bet."

"Fine. Now just lay here and close your eyes."

Riku laid but he would not close his eyes. He vowed this even as Sora began softly stroking his hair. He repeated it to himself as Sora made quiet humming noises reminiscent of a lullaby Sora's mother often sang. He felt so… tired.

--0—0--

Sora smiled down at Riku. He knew this would work; stroke Riku's hair for a little while and he was out like a light. He wondered idly if Cloud had discovered this little fact yet.

"You got him to sleep," Leon commented, coming in from the back. "Good."

Sora watched him go into the kitchen. "Any word?"

Leon took a beer from the fridge and cracked it open. "Cloud saw Aerith this afternoon. Apparently they talked at length but she promised she wouldn't say anything. She wasn't even supposed to tell me about the visit but she knew we were worried."

"And?'

"No idea, he disappeared right after." Leon took a long drink. "But Aerith looked uneasy."

"Great," Sora whispered. It was never good when Aerith worried, especially when it was about Cloud. "I wish he would just, figure out what he wanted and talk to Riku. It's this not knowing that's killing him."

"I know." Leon shook his head. Steel-colored eyes fixed on the boy. "By the way, thanks for working by the castle. I guess I did need the break."

"Oh, no problem." Sora replied dismissively before narrowing his eyes, "Though I'm still mad."

"Hey, you didn't ask what was in those drinks. It's a bar, you should have figured it out."

"Whatever."

"……….."

Sora glanced down at the head of silver in his lap. "How long you think he'll manage to stay asleep?"

Leon shrugged. "He feels safe with you so who knows."

"Well, I'm not moving until he does."

Leon nodded and went into his room. He came back a moment later with a light blanket. He draped it over Riku, making sure it fell a little on Sora's legs also. "Night."

"Night."

--0—0--

Sora opened his eyes slowly, casting them about the room trying to figure out where he was. Oh yeah, the front room.

Sora glanced down to check on his friend. Riku was still sleeping in his lap but he had turned and wrapped an arm around his waist. His face was now practically in Sora's crotch.

Trying not to flush, Sora shifted a bit in an effort to distance his privates from the older teen's mouth two a bit. This just made Riku move closer. Groaning, Sora let his head fall back.

"I think you're stuck." Leon commented dryly around his coffee. He set the mug down and poured a glass of juice.

"Yeah, I noticed." Sora took the drink Leon brought him. "At least he didn't have any nightmares. Must have been too tired."

"He has nightmares, too?"

"Yeah, they're pretty bad-" Sora cut himself off and tilted his head. "Waddaya mean 'too'?"

"Cloud has terrible nightmares, wakes up screaming sometimes. I can usually calm him after but sometimes it's rough. He never has them when Riku's with him."

"That makes sense. That's probably true for Riku too."

Said person stirred a little, enough so that Sora could slip out from beneath him. "Thank the gods, I've gotta pee."

A brief smile crossed Leon's face as Sora practically ran for the bathroom. When he came back out, the sable-haired man had a plate of eggs and sausage ready for him. "Here, to make up for your hangover."

"I'm not really that mad." He took the plate from him and brought it to the table. "But thanks."

Leon sat with him, watching him eat while sipping on his coffee. "Any ideas for today?"

Sora shook his head. "We could always see if Cid wants more help. I don't know if I'm up to any more hard labor."

"Leon's a slave driver." Riku almost croaked out from the couch. "What we did yesterday was nothing."

"It's got to get done." Leon responded smoothly.

Riku stood and stretched out his torso, arms flexed behind him. "How long was I out?"

"About six hours." Leon motioned toward the kitchen. "There's food. Eat it."

Riku did not protest, getting a small amount. He sat beside Sora and once again picked at what was on his plate. The other two watched him with a detached eye. Once he had eaten a satisfactory amount, Leon stood. He rid himself of his coffee mug and turned to the teenagers.

Before he could speak, the front door opened.

Disheveled blonde spikes framed a wary face and dulled blue eyes. Simply put, Cloud looked terrible. For a long moment, he stood in the doorway staring at Riku.

Riku likewise was a bit worse for wear and he gave Cloud the exact same expression.

"Sora." Leon softly called.

"Right with you." The boy quickly stood and with a brief glance over his shoulder, left with Leon out the back.

The troubled lovers remained motionless for a small eternity, neither sure what should happen next. Riku did not dare speak for fear of the other man turning around and leaving. Cloud seemed just as uncertain, as if he had no idea what he was about to do. Maybe he didn't.

Finally, Cloud managed out a soft. "We need to talk."


	10. Chapter 10

Another impossible silence stretched between them. Cloud eventually moved forward just enough to close the door behind him. He did not return his gaze to Riku, instead focusing on the far wall and shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Riku did not want to blink for fear of the man disappearing. He wasn't really here, was he? Maybe he had finally completely snapped and this was a hallucination. If that was true, he didn't really mind being insane.

"Are you finished?" Cloud asked quietly, nodding toward Riku but still not actually looking at him.

"Way past." Riku answered. His plate was still over half-full. "They've been forcing food down my throat."

"When I saw Aerith, she made me eat then forced me to take a nap with her."

"Sora's been doing the same."

"He's a good friend."

"Yeah." Riku glanced at the table, gathering his strength. When he turned his eyes back up, he looked at Cloud directly. He had to ask one question before anything else was said. "Do you hate me?"

"What?" Cloud finally met his eyes again. Wide blue eyes appeared almost hurt. "I could never, ever hate you, Riku."

The young man's heart unclenched a bit. That was something; not much but it was enough for the moment. He nodded once, studying the wood pattern of the table. He did not want to be the first to approach the subject but someone was going to have to. "So…"

Cloud slowly walked toward the couch and sat. "You once asked where the two scars on my abdomen were from and I refused to tell you."

Riku kept his eyes on the man. "It isn't any of my business."

"They're from the first time I fought Sephiroth." The blond laced his fingers together before him. "We were investigating some strange occurrences and an increase of monster activity near my hometown. Nibelheim had its own Mako reactor and Shinra Mansion was there.

"It was a relatively minor mission and only two infantry were required. The only reason I was added on was because Sephiroth noticed that I was from the area and I would be useful. Sephiroth barely even knew my name at the time; I was just that grunt Zack had a thing for. However, he did on occasion try to arrange it so I could come with on various missions.

"We headed into the mountain the day after arriving and I was ordered to stay outside with Tifa while Zack and Sephiroth went in to investigate the reactor. We were attacked and I did my best to defend her but…" Cloud exhaled quickly. "I got knocked out. I woke up awhile later in the Inn and Zack told me that Tifa was okay. I felt so useless but Zack was obviously preoccupied with something else so I focused on him.

"He told me that Sephiroth had gone straight to Shinra Mansion after leaving the reactor and refused to leave or be bothered. Zack was terribly worried about him, saying that he was acting really strange." Cloud made a little half-smile. "I remember saying 'stranger than normal' and Zack hitting me."

Riku could not help but smile a touch also. He was glad that there was at least a bit of joy to this story for Cloud. Unfortunately, he knew enough of the basics of it to know that wouldn't last for long.

The blonde's expression went neutral again. "Every night, Zack checked on Sephiroth and each time he grew more concerned. He wasn't allowed in the basement where Sephiroth was and the little he got him to say was becoming more and more weird.

"After a week passed, Zack decided enough was enough and he was going to make Sephiroth talk to him. By then, Sephiroth had completely gone insane... spoke all this gibberish about being the Chosen One and the traitor humans. Then he pushed Zack aside and left him."

Cloud's body language gave away how tightly he was controlling himself. He was focusing all his energy on telling this story. "I remember waking up to smoke and flames. I had no idea what was happening, only that I had to find my mom and get out of there. I looked but couldn't find her anywhere in the house.

"I couldn't breathe any more so I ducked outside for clean air, planning to go back in but I didn't need to." His voice tightened. "My mother was lying face down in the dirt. At first I thought the smoke had overcome her but when I approached, I saw the stab wound through her chest and I knew she was dead."

Riku's eyes widened in horror. Sephiroth had not said anything about having killed Cloud's mother personally. He knew she had died during the whole Nibelheim incident but this… No wonder Cloud hated Sephiroth so much.

"I didn't get a chance to really process it. Zack came running up, took one look, kissed me and said we'd have time to deal with it later. Before I knew it, he had taken my hand and we were searching for the mayor. We found the weapons master who told us that Tifa had followed Sephiroth into the mountains.

"Zack ordered me to stay and I was soldier enough to obey even though everything in me wanted to beg him not to leave me behind. He went, I stayed. I don't know exactly what it was but after a while, I just knew I had to go. Something in my heart was pulling me to the reactor.

"So I went. I found Tifa lying unconscious at the foot of the stairs and no sign of Zack. Tifa's chest had been sliced open and it was obvious who had done it. Then I saw the Buster sword sticking up further up the stairs and this rage just built up. A lot calmer than I really felt, I went up to the inner chamber where Sephiroth was, took up the Buster and without stopping to think about it, I just ran him through."

He blew out a little puff of air. "I didn't care if it killed him or not. I demanded him to somehow give me back everything he had taken from me, I felt so betrayed by him. He was what I wanted to be and then he did that…

"He crumpled over and I left the room to take care of Tifa. I still didn't see Zack anywhere. Then there was this crashing sound and glass breaking. I looked up and there was Sephiroth, one hand against his stomach and the other holding a head, lightly swinging his sword.

"That's when Zack was finally able to call out to me. He was slammed into one of the pods lining the place, blood pouring from several wounds." Cloud shivered. His arms came up to wrap around him. "I knew he was dying but he just gave me this steady gaze and told me to give Sephiroth a fatal blow.

"I took up the sword again and that rage took over. I don't entirely remember what happened next, just this excruciating pain and being thrown back into the other room. Then Sephiroth was standing over me with insane eyes and his blade coming back down at me. By then, I understood I'd been stabbed again but I didn't really feel it anymore… I barely felt the second."

Cloud seemed to tense up even further. "The only thing I was truly aware of was Sephiroth had to die. It didn't matter how and I didn't care if I had to die with him. I only have Zack's foggy memory of this but apparently I said some, I don't know, bullshit I probably thought sounded tough and dragged myself along Masamune's length."

Riku couldn't belief what he was hearing. Sephiroth hadn't gone into details of the events, especially what exactly happened with Cloud. If this was true, he suddenly understood a whole lot clearer why Sephiroth had taken such a singular interest in Cloud.

"Then I used the leverage of my body to flip the hilt up and managed to knock Sephiroth over the edge of the platform." He said this so emotionlessly it was distracting. "He hit the wall and fell into the mako below.

"I lost consciousness at that point. The next thing I truly remember is being carried by Zack through some woods. I could hear every word he said, every breath he took as clearly as my own but I couldn't control my own body; I could see but not really comprehend, hear but not respond. I was just, there but wasn't.

"My awareness faded in and out. We were on a beach, there was a palm tree…I think there was a motorcycle, and then a truck. I kinda remember being in a town with a man with glasses and graying hair… and for some reason there are flashes of red leather but I don't know where from.

"Zack kept talking to me the whole time, almost like I was totally okay. He would promise he wouldn't leave me and that we'd stay together. We were on truck…He stood to talk to the driver and next thing I knew, he threw himself down at me and shoved me out the back. I heard him yell for me to run…He carried me somewhere and I didn't want him to go…he promised he wouldn't leave… Then I passed out."

Cloud was crying now, not sobbing or making noise. Riku longed to go to him but he held himself back not knowing how the action would be received. He had no idea where Cloud was going with this. There were several reasons for him to be hearing this story now.

"When I came to again, my head was clearer. I was barely able to move my own body and when I looked up, the first thing I saw was Zack laying there, flat on his back. I crawled over and stared at him and I knew he was dying.

"He started talking and it was obvious how much pain he was in. I wanted to tell him not to talk, to save his strength but I couldn't. I just knelt there at his side and repeated his words like some kind of parrot. At one point, he held me to his chest…I could feel his blood smearing on my face and told me I had to keep going…I was his living legacy, the proof that he lived.

"That's when he gave me the Buster sword. When he did that, he gave me everything that was his, his hopes, his dreams, his honor and pride, it was all mine now and all I could do was mumble his words back. I watched him slip away and I couldn't say anything."

The tears were subsiding but his voice held tightly to its sorrow. "I can still see his face so vividly. His black hair didn't look any different because it was always a blown back mess." Cloud grinned a bit before his expression fell into one of barely concealed pain. "His eyes were closed and his expression relaxed, free of the suffering he had been feeling. The one thing I know I will never forget is his mouth; he had this small, pleased smile."

"I must have screamed at some point because my throat felt raw as I forced myself to stand." The swordsman shook his head. "As I looked at him for the last time, I vowed then and there I would live out both our lives. I had no idea how literal that would become."

"I was a total wreak, my head a complete mess. After I left Zack's body, I just wandered around in a daze. The sword was heavy in my hands and I could barely drag it behind me but I refused to leave it. Nothing seemed real anymore and it hurt so bad to think about Zack, my mind just twisted my memories until he no longer existed. Tifa was the one who found me wandering Midgar and took me in."

He looked up and stared Riku right in the eyes. "Do you understand what Sephiroth has cost me? What I had to go through because of him? I later found out that we spent four years as experiments for Hojo."

Cloud's voice raised and came out choked. "He wanted to make us into copies of Sephiroth. He decided that if I was able to take on Sephiroth without Mako enhancement, I should be handle the Jenova cells. He pumped so much of that Mako shit in me that it put my body in shock trying to assimilate it all. I thank whatever higher powers there are that Zack got me out of there before Hojo got too far into the Jenova stage. I only had a few cells added.

Riku swallowed thickly, feeling his heart cease up as he listened to his lover's story. If he had not already heard the basics of the tale from Sephiroth, there was no way he could have believed this. He knew that Cloud had had a hard time of things, that there was a lot of tragedy in his past but the full weight of it was something that he never could have understood without sitting here and watching Cloud as he explained, re-lived the events that had shaped his life.

He had no idea how the man had survived it all.

"I've never been able to let any of that go. That bastard completely destroyed my life and took away everything I had. Just when I'd think it was finally over, he'd come back and it all started over again. For years, I've only wanted to be free of everything. I wanted Sephiroth out of my life so that maybe, just maybe, some of the pain would go away."

Something in Cloud's face softened, his blue eyes took a warm quality. "And then I met you. You came into my life when I was at my lowest and things just didn't seem as terrible. I wasn't simply going through the motions of living anymore. I rediscovered what simply being happy meant and I started to believe that love wasn't just something that caused pain."

The expression darkened. "But once again he had to swoop in and cast a shadow over everything."

Riku watched Cloud as several emotions flittered across his face. It seemed that when Cloud had decided to return, he still had not made up his mind as to what he was going to do. Did that mean he had a chance to persuade the man to stay? Beg him? Force him?

"I will always despise Sephiroth for what he's done. Maybe someday I'll be able to forgive him but I will never forget. I will never let him control me again." Cloud took a breath and looked at the floor. "But you're not Sephiroth; you're not even remotely close. You are…amazing. You're strong and caring. You have such a capacity to love and strive to do everything you can to help the people you care about…

"But, I know what Jenova does. I know how she and Sephiroth work. They get into your head and it can be so subtle you won't know until it's too late. I… I don't know if I could stand to see you be taken over by her or Sephiroth, watch you slowly become someone completely different. The whole Ansem thing was near impossible to bear. I don't know if I can go through that again especially knowing that you'll never return."

Riku bit his lip. Was Cloud saying what he thought?

"I… I can't lose you like that again." Cloud met his eyes and Riku felt his heart plummet. "For your sake, I don't think we should stay together."

"For-" Riku stuttered, confused by Cloud's choice of words. "For my sake? What…what does that even mean?"

"I…I'm always going to be looking for signs of influence now. Every time you get angry or act even remotely differently, I'm going to react and probably badly. You don't need that on you. I'll just be a burden to you and you'll end up hating me which will just make things worse for you."

Cloud's jaw tightened. "Hell, it'll give Sephiroth just what he needs to swoop in and take you away from me. It would be just like him to use you like that. That's probably what he hopes will happen because he knows how much that would kill me."

"Wait," the silver-haired teen spoke slowly. "Are you saying we should break up because being together will give Jenova what she needs to consume me or that Sephiroth is using me to get to you?"

"Sephiroth is more likely to-"

Fury over came Riku and he leapt to his feet. "You're so stupid! Don't you understand, Cloud? With or without you, I'm the one who has to live with this! I have to deal with the voices, the weird emotional shifts, the feeling like I'm going to lose my mind regardless if you're here or not. I thought maybe you loved me enough to be able to get past Sephiroth and help me with this but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

He rounded the table and stalked up to the blonde man. "Is he really all you can think of? I'm starting to think you're the one with the sick twisted obsession with him. Maybe you really are only with me because I look like him!"

Cloud stood and shoved him back. "I cannot believe you said that!"

"And I can't believe you'd think I'd want you to leave for my benefit! Can't you see what being without you would do to me? That it would be a one way ticket back into the darkness! You're my light, Cloud, my focus that keeps me going. Without you, I'm nothing but that doesn't matter to you. You can't deal with something that _might_ happen! Well, fuck you! I'll deal with this on my own!"

Before Cloud could respond Riku brushed past him and walked out, completely missing Cloud's heart breaking.


	11. Chapter 11

Rewritten July 22

* * *

Riku walked through the streets of Radiant Garden in a haze of fury and pain. What the hell was Cloud thinking? How could he possibly…? He never thought the man could be that self-centered.

Without his consent, his feet carried him to Aerith's. He looked over the house and had no idea why he had ended up here. This was Cloud's retreat; these were his friends first. His heart tugged at him to go up to the door.

He had only taken a few steps forward when Sora burst from the front entrance. He immediately paused on the porch and stared at Riku with large blue eyes. Leon was hovering in the doorway waiting and it was probably a safe bet Aerith was somewhere behind him.

Sora's gaze was so caring, so completely selfless…Riku dropped to his knees. The numbness gave way to sheer agony and he knew he would never be whole again. When Sora ran up to him, all he could mumble was, "He- he…"

The younger teen threw his arms around Riku, cradling him as he sobbed. He glanced over his shoulder at Leon. The normally stoic man's jaw was tight and he was visibly upset by this scene. With a simple nod, he turned and motioned to someone inside. Aerith appeared, expression disheartened.

The two came down the steps, and as they passed, Aerith knelt down beside Riku. She said nothing but brushed Riku's bangs from his face and kissed his forehead. Then she straightened and the pair left. Sora did not know where the pair were going but he had more important concerns.

"Come on, Riku. Let's go inside, okay?"

Riku didn't answer.

"Riku, please?"

The sobbing only continued.

"Don't do this to yourself." Sora began.

The older boy's head jerked up sharply. "I'm not doing anything! He's the one killing me!"

Sora was stunned for a moment. He had no idea what he could say that would have any effect. Was there anything he could do at this point? Man, he wished Kairi was here.

Instead of talking, Sora tightened his hold and threw as much positive energy he could at Riku. He let all the light he could gather flow into the troubled young man. Somehow, he knew if he did not, Riku would lose himself in the dark. That could not happen.

The weeping slowly subsided, giving way to a bone-wariness that even Sora felt. As Riku began regaining control, he gasped a little. Pulling away, he wiped messily at his eyes and tried to sound embarrassed. "That was so not me."

"That was totally you." Sora corrected. "I think that was more you than I've even seen."

Riku coughed.

"Come on, we're not going to sit out here in the middle of the street all day." Sora stood and held out his hand. "We'll go together."

Both suddenly smiled, remembering the last time they were in these positions. Riku took the offer hand. "Yeah."

As they walked in, Riku found himself laughing. It was rather disturbing sounding to Sora. "Why do you keep doing it?"

"Doing what?"

"Pulling my worthless ass out of the darkness."

Sora gritted his teeth. "You are _not_ worthless."

Riku did not bother to argue. He knew what he was worth and it wasn't jack; at least to the one who mattered most to him. It certainly wasn't enough to make him-

"Now," Sora forced him to sit on Aerith's big plushy chair. "I'm going to make you some tea cause I know I can make that without messing it up. You will still be sitting here when I return."

He nodded numbly. Where else would he go?

--0—0--

Cloud sat absolutely still on the living room floor. He had expected tears; he'd expected yelling; he'd even been prepared to be told he was over-worrying. But the pure rage Riku had launched at him was not expected.

_You're stupid_ echoed through his mind. Was he really being stupid? His fears were not unfounded. He had explained them as best he could to Riku. What didn't he say to make his point clear?

"Well, Strife, once again you make things more difficult than they should be."

In an impossibly fast fluid motion, Cloud was on his feet, weaponless but ready to fight regardless. "I'm not in the mood, Sephiroth."

"You never are." The silver haired man replied smoothly. He stood near the door, he had to have teleported because Cloud hadn't heard it open or close. He held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I wish only to speak to you."

"Not interested."

"Oh, I don't believe that; not after everything Riku has said about you."

"What?" Riku had gone running to Sephiroth? That only reinforced his concerns and further shattered his heart. He would lose his love to this maniac.

"The only time I have ever heard anyone speak so affectionately of another is when Zack would get on one of his long winded tirades about you." Sephiroth went over to the table and sat himself down. "I still don't understand why he continued to see that flower girl after he became so devoted to you."

"I don't want to talk about Zack with you." Cloud glared. Why was Sephiroth here?

"Fair enough." He leaned back in the chair casually crossing one leg over the other. Cloud noticed then that his wings were missing. What had happened to them? "We shall speak of Riku then."

"No."

Sephiroth smiled in amusement. "Then perhaps you would rather explain your recent behavior toward my half-brother."

His tone was deadly serious despite the easy expression. He was met by stony silence and the humor faded. "You have wronged that boy and damaged him in a way that he may never recover."

"What do you know?" Cloud snapped.

"People in Riku's position need all the love and support they can get unconditionally. They need to know that someone will always be on their side no matter the consequences." Sephiroth narrowed his unnaturally bright eyes. "From how he spoke of you, I believed you were one of those people. I see I was wrong.

"I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. You always have chosen to run from the light."

Cloud wanted to rip that smug look off the bastard's face. How dare he come here and lecture him. What the hell did he know?

"Why do you let fear rule your heart, Cloud?" He only sounded mildly interested in the answer. "And don't say it's because of me. We both know that isn't an answer."

Cloud wanted so badly to beat the shit out of this monster that paraded around as a man. Just wipe that arrogance on his face all over the wall, or better yet the floor. He wanted to do it so much he took one step forward.

So why was he now sitting on the coffee table staring at his hands?

"I have lost everyone I've ever cared about in horrible ways and every one of those deaths can be directly tied to you." Why was he so calm all the sudden? "How am I supposed to be anything but terrified when the man I love more than anyone I've ever known, including Zack, tells me he's literally a remake of you?"

Oh, Shiva, did he just bare his soul to _Sephiroth_? He laughed at himself. _I have totally lost my mind._

Sephiroth's posture did not change. He simply watched Cloud with that not quite haughty expression. It was as if he knew the answer but was content to wait until Cloud discovered it for himself.

Cloud didn't understand why the man was even here. He doubted Sephiroth had known Riku long enough to have any sort of attachment to him, he didn't even think Sephiroth was capable of such things. What did he stand to gain from this? "Why are you here?"

"That is not relevant to the problem."

Of course he would get an evasive answer. He didn't know why he even asked. Sephiroth never answered questions satisfactorily.

"Do you have any regrets?" He asked suddenly.

"Of, course." Sephiroth replied. "But they are not the ones you're hoping for."

They sat in an oddly peaceful quiet. It was extremely strange to feel so companionable with a sworn enemy. It almost reminded Cloud of before Jenova, before everything was destroyed.

He looked over at his former idol. "You're different."

"How so?" One elegant eyebrow arched.

"I'm not sure. I just know you are." Cloud studied him carefully. "It's like you're you again. The person who was Zack's friend."

"I never stopped being that person." Sephiroth stated easily.

Cloud did not understand but he knew there was something he was supposed to be getting. Sephiroth was trying to make a point. What did he mean he never stopped being…

Then his eyes widened.

Sephiroth actually smiled. Not a smirk or the grin of the insane but a normal, human smile. It looked surprisingly good on him.

"Oh, gods." Cloud stood. "I need to find Riku now."

"He sought out his light." Sephiroth stood also, brushing out his long coat. "The Keyblade Master was at the Cetra's place of residence."

Cloud nodded and Sephiroth made to leave. "Hey, Sephiroth?"

The older man paused.

"Where are your wings?"

"As intimidating as they are, three wings are terribly awkward to be dealing with on a daily basis. I have learned a spell that dissipates them for three day periods." He glanced over his shoulder. That evil smirk had returned. "Of course, you are already familiar with the difficulties a wing presents, aren't you?"

"Much as I despise the circumstances, I'm still grateful to you for ripping that thing off."

"You're welcome." He again moved to leave.

"Sephiroth?"

"What is it, Strife?"

"Thank you."

Sephiroth simply left.

--0—0--

Riku sat silently waiting for Sora. He had no will of his own any more. It did not matter what he wanted; everything around him eventually was ruined somehow by him. The only reason he still had Sora was because he figured the boy had so much light, he needed someone with darkness close by or else he would be consumed by it.

At least she had not started in on him. If Jenova did, he wasn't certain he would be able to refuse her. Was this what it was to be truly broken?

"Here you go, Riku." Sora finally came back holding two mugs. "I even put honey in it just like you like."

Riku smiled weakly. He was not really a tea drinker but with a lot of honey added it wasn't bad. He took the mug with a mumbled thanks. He did not drink it at first, merely cradling the warm mug in his hands.

"Hey, Sora?" He studied the clear brownish liquid in the ceramic. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

Sora was genuinely confused. "Why would I be afraid of you?"

"Cloud is. He's terrified of me now."

"I don't think that's it." Sora sat on the chair arm. "Cloud isn't afraid of you; he's afraid _for_ you. He just doesn't understand, I think. I don't know." He shook his head in frustration.

"I think that maybe what he's scared of is failing you so before he can, he's pulling away. That way, he knows exactly what he did wrong, like he has some kind of control of what he thinks is inevitable." Sora tried to explain. "Of course, I could be totally off and he's really a self-centered jerk like you said."

Riku spit out the sip he was taking.

"Oh, it can't be that bad." Sora pouted.

"No," He choked a little. "I, think you're right about Cloud. No, I know you're right. He even said it but I was so, I don't know but I didn't listen to what he was actually saying."

He set the mug down. "I need to find Cloud. We have to really talk about this, get everything in the open."

Sora nodded.

Riku quickly embraced him. "Thank you, Sora. How is it you always know just how to fix things?"

"Uh well, you know."

"Yeah, I do." Riku ran out, the door shutting loudly behind him.

Sora sat for another minute. "This better work."

"It will." Sephiroth, Leon, and Aerith came down the stairs. Sephiroth glanced in the other two's direction. "Thank you for involving me."

"I won't say I entirely trust you," Leon folded his arms. "But it's worth the risk if it helps those two."

Aerith stepped over and hugged the man. He stiffened a bit in reaction and she stepped back with a soft smile. "Zack always spoke so fondly of you. I knew one day you'd come back around."

Sephiroth seemed to be at a loss for words. He tipped his head in her direction. "If you are in further need of my assistance, you know how to find me."

He walked out the back.

The three remaining waited pensively, hoping their intervention would be enough to bring a good ending to this.


	12. Chapter 12

Rewritten July 31.

* * *

Riku ran as if Behemoth was baring down on him. He reached the house in record breaking time and burst through the door. The living room was empty and a quick frantic search revealed the rest of the place just as abandoned. Where could he have gone?

Standing in the center of their bedroom, Riku calmed himself. Nothing appeared to be missing but that did not necessarily mean anything. If he had managed to hurt Cloud enough or if Cloud had really made up his mind to stay away, he could have easily left everything behind. Cloud didn't have much and was more of a wanderer any way.

Riku sank to the floor, trying frantically to keep from panicking. "It's all right. He didn't go anywhere. You will be able to fix this."

Gods, what an idiot he had been. He never should have gone off like that. Yes, Cloud's words had hurt; they had hurt bitterly but he should have realized what the blonde man was trying to do. It was so typical Cloud to push the things he cared about away as opposed to risking-

_It's your fault that he's gone. All you do is destroy. This relationship was doomed from the start. How can two people who have surrendered to the dark ever find the light? There is no light within you to be found and you know he doesn't have it either._

"No," Riku muttered through clenched teeth. He could not handle her now. He felt something black encroaching on his soul. "Stop it."

_You know it's true. The traitor will only continue to hurt you just as you torment him. Give him up and end the suffering for both of you._

"No!" He shouted to the empty room. "I love him! His darkness is my light."

The darkness that had been winding itself around his heart shrank back. The soft whispering quieted, as if reconsidering its approach. Well, she could say or do anything she wanted now, it didn't matter.

Riku focused inward on that little space within him where Cloud and only Cloud resided. His shoulders straightened and warmth spread throughout his body. Strength returned to him and he knew, _knew_ that no matter what, he would be all right.

Regardless of the outcome of all this, he would survive and he would never regret the past. Even if the relationship ended, his love for Cloud would remain forever and that love was his light.

"Suck on that, Mother." He murmured, standing up. It was time to find Cloud.

--0—0--

Cloud had wandered the streets, searching for Riku. They had told him that he had abruptly left Aerith's to find him but now, he could not locate him anywhere. Eventually, his steps lead him to the river. He smiled to himself as he remembered their last visit here together.

There were not words that properly expressed the overwhelming feeling of joy he had felt just a few days ago. When Riku had appeared on that ridge, Cloud's heart had swelled and he could not believe someone so beautiful wanted to be with him. Riku was Cloud's own living, breathing angel.

He was a fool. Much as it upset him, Sephiroth had been completely right about him. He was terrified of the future and afraid of the present. Things were good and when things were too good, catastrophe always struck. He was fearful to lose more than he already had and that fear is what caused the loss.

All he could hope was that Riku forgave him. So long as he had that, he could go on. Even if Riku decided to walk away, he would find strength in time they had. And he would wait on the chance that Riku returned for he knew he would never be able to love another. The young man was his light, guiding him from the dark shadows that tried to grip his heart.

Maybe Riku had gone back to Sora. The boys were closer than brothers and connected in a way that Cloud knew that he would never be able to really understand. They were perfect compliments to one another. One needed the other as a balance and there was nothing that could separate them.

He understood this, probably better now. After the conversation earlier, he got the strange feeling that he and Sephiroth were much the same way. Light and dark forever attached but never truly together. Polar opposites that needed the other to exist. He was certain that they would never be friends but perhaps someday they would be companionable.

Yeah, right.

Deciding to give Aerith's another try he turned toward the path out.

Riku was standing at the mouth of it, hands in his pockets and expression calm.

They watched each other carefully for a terse moment before Riku strolled forward. "I figured you would end up here."

Cloud watched him pass by, not sure if he was supposed to say or do anything. It was clear Riku had an agenda but there was no way for him to know what it was. He could only keep his eyes trained on the man he knew he would love forever.

"You know, when Sephiroth first approached me, I knew who he was even though I'd never seen him before. Just looking at him, I knew, and I saw the extreme similarities in our looks. I remember thinking, how could you possibly love someone who looked so much like the one person you despised more than anything?

"When he said we had something in common, my first thought was you and I was ready to fight him. I wasn't going to let him hurt you anymore but something held me back." Riku stared across the water. "He didn't seem to be the monster you had described. Something about the whole thing was off.

"Then he explained who he was and what had happened to him. I learned more from him in a day than I ever heard from you. It upset me that he was the one to tell me about your past. While he didn't go into detail about you, I understood you so much better when he finished. I should have realized then…"

He trailed off, turning his head down to watch the running water. "It wasn't until a few days later he sought me out again. That was when he told me who and what I was.

"I totally denied it. I screamed and raved at him, called him a liar and a manipulative bastard. I ran from him and as I ran I kept thinking to myself, if I was so certain it wasn't true, why was I running? When I finally stopped, my heart had already accepted his words. But my mind…I just couldn't. So I found King Mickey.

"I told him everything Sephiroth had said and he promised to find me some concrete proof. Apparently Ansem had known about me almost from my birth because there was a detailed report in his files. That's why Xehanort picked me. He knew that because of the dormant Jenova cells, I was already susceptible to darkness.

"I was the perfect candidate." Riku squatted down and placed his fingers in the water, spreading them to let it run through the spaces between. "It was so hard to hear that, let alone deal with this information. I think those were some of the darkest days I had."

He stood again and turned to face Cloud. There was deep regret in his eyes. "I wanted so badly to come to you but I was afraid of what you'd do. I couldn't handle your rejection on top of everything else so I stayed away and kept quiet."

Cloud could only nod. He understood much better than Riku probably thought. He found his admiration of the young man increase. Riku had endured so much all on his own.

"I had several more conversations with Sephiroth, a few Mickey was there for. He was, so supportive, so not what I expected of him. I was suspicious and finally I asked why he was doing so much for me. He looked me dead in the eye and said that he would not allow me to go down the same path he did. He vowed right there and then he would do everything in his power to save me."

Suddenly Riku smiled. "He then added that he also owed it to you for what he's put you through these past several years."

Cloud barked out a laugh. He had no idea why he did.

"I never actually told him about us. Maybe he just knew there was something between us by the way I talked about you. Only once did he advise me to tell you sooner than later. After that he never said a word about it." He turned away again and fixed his attention on a nearby boulder. "Mickey was constantly badgering me to tell you. He just didn't understand why I was so desperately afraid."

And this brought them to the crux of the matter.

"I'm sorry, Cloud. I know I should have come to you first but I was just so terrified of losing you. You're literally my life. I know I can go on without you but I don't want to. If… if you want to end this, I understand. Just know that I will never stop loving you."

Riku kept staring at the boulder beside him. He could not watch Cloud leave. It would completely devastate him to see that. He said what he needed to and it was entirely up to Cloud now.

A hand lightly gripped his shoulder. He turned a little to stare into teary blue eyes. So much emotion swam within those eyes, emotion that Riku knew was all for him. His heart slowly unclenched.

Cloud's words were choked. "I guess we're both idiots."

He turned Riku fully toward him, reaching up to lace fingers though those lengthy silver locks. "My life is you and nothing, _nothing_, is ever going to change that."

Long arms cautiously wrapped around his waist. Those aqua eyes brimmed with their own tears. "So, you forgive me?"

"No," Cloud answered easily. "There's nothing to forgive. The question is if you can forgive me."

Riku half-smiled. "There's nothing to forgive."

They laughed a bit before their eyes met and they fell quiet. Riku bent his head and lips met in a renewed first kiss and both felt like they were somehow staring over. This scared and excited them for they knew there was still a long road ahead of them but they were certain they would walk it together.

Cloud brought both hands up to frame Riku's face as he deepened the kiss and Riku tightened his hold on the shorter man's body. The younger one slowly spread his fingers out and down, stopping just below Cloud's waist and bringing their bodies closer together. Cloud's fingers moved back so he could trace his thumbs along Riku's ears.

The moment of bliss was rudely interrupted by loud giggling from the other side of the boulder, followed by a loud thumping and an exclamation of "_Ow!_ That hurt!"

The couple broke apart and Riku rested his head on Cloud's shoulder. "Sora, get out here."

"The rest of you, too," Cloud added.

Leon and Aerith did not look the slightest bit guilty for spying as they stepped out. Leon had his hand on top of Sora's head, escorting the squirming teenager. "Leeon, lemme go."

"This is what you get for blowing our cover," He said easily but released the spikes.

Sora stumbled a little with the sudden loss of pressure but quickly regained his footing. He looked at the couple before him and rubbed the back of his head. "Heh, heh, yeah, uh, sorry about that."

Cloud glanced at Riku thoughtfully. "Should we kill him?"

Riku seemed to seriously consider the question. "Nah, I still need him around."

"Hey!" Sora protested. "If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened!"

"Exactly."

"Huh?" Sora cocked his head.

Riku only smiled at his confusion; Cloud shook his head. Aerith covered her mouth, hiding a shy grin before waving a bit to Cloud and Riku and walking away. Leon smirked in amusement at the boy, suddenly finding the boy rather adorable in his naivety.

"Come on, Sora." Leon threw an arm around the youth's shoulders. "We've seen what we came for. Let's leave them to their make –up sex or whatever they want to call it."

"What? Don't want to watch?" Riku snickered, getting the desired flush of embarrassment from his best friend.

Leon gave Sora what Riku could only describe as an appraising look before again looking at the reestablished couple. "I think it's time Sora learned a few things about sex for himself."

Sora had gone totally red and stuttered. "B-but I like girls."

"That won't last." Riku and Cloud gaped for a moment as Leon nudged Sora and led him away, arm still wrapped around him.

"Do I even want to know what that was?" Cloud murmured.

Riku only laughed. "I think Sora is in soo much trouble tonight."

He turned back toward Cloud and they resumed their prior positioning. Another long kiss ensued and quite suddenly Riku found himself pushed down on his back. Cloud quickly straddled him and bending low whispered in his ear. "He's not the only one."

Riku shuddered at the warm breath along the lobe. When Cloud lightly bit it, he groaned and gripped his lover's shoulders. He attempted to remove Cloud's shirt but his hands were batted away. The blond immediately went back to work on his ear, neck and upper shoulder. His touches were languid and it was clear he was perfectly content dragging this out for as long as he could.

When he finally pulled off Riku's shirt, the motion was not at all hurried. Riku again moved to do something but was intercepted. He pouted up at Cloud as the man tsked him, placing his hands on the silvered one's shoulders. "This is my time and I'm gonna draw it out until you can't stand it anymore. Then you can have your turn."

He ran his nails down Riku's chest and the young man arched his back in reaction. "But I'm rather certain once I'm finished with you, you won't have the energy." Cloud rolled his hips into Riku's. "Not to mention the ability to walk."

And Cloud was true to his word.

-END-

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Thank you all for reading and please review!

The follow-up is Starting Down the Path (yes, for those rereading, I changed the name from Understanding the Path).


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